Could He Be a Predator?

So long story short. Age difference 4 years. Met him online about 2 years ago. Been friends for 1 year and a half (time in which we both had our bfs and so the chat was always from both parts and shared stuff both, we happen to disagree and we r quite different; I know, a lot of background and stuff). We got in a relationship 6 months ago. He's never insisted on money, on the contrary, actually. I was the one to bring sex into discussion. He said he'd wait. We talk on phone, texts, webcam a lot. I know part of his family. We exchange pics quite often, talk a lot. He gave me his accounts on various sites, even paid ones. And I really wanna meet him, but I got worried and told him about an ex-predator I dated and asked him if he was like that (dumb thing to do cause he got hurt and pretty sad). Said I don't trust him and I think of him as a criminal, also that he understands now why I want to bring my friend along if we meet (they argued). That's the only red flag I had so far. We won't meet soon, and if we do he'll be the one visiting me. I'm just curious. I really care for him and my instinct tells me he's not dangerous, but since I had an online predator already I spotted the red flag and thought to ask. 

Thanks a lot.

Clementine.

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Dear Clementine,

Reading your letter, Papabear's gut instinct is that he is not a predator, and I think that matches your instinct as well. I had another furry write me a while back in which I did suspect predatory behavior, as there was a bigger age difference and other behaviors that sent up red flags. I told that writer to trust her gut, which was sending warning messages. Yours is telling you differently. You should not assume this person could be a predator just because you had that experience with someone else.

That said, you are wise to be cautious. Meet this person first in a public place with lots of people around. Get to know them better and then proceed from there.

In this crazy world, you never know what you're going to get. You can be too cautious and thus deny yourself what could be healthy and happy relationships, or you can be too reckless and get hurt. Try to achieve a balance. Be open to having new people in your life, but don't do something silly like go to someone's house alone and at night by yourself. This is just what used to be called "common sense," but I now call "good sense" since it no longer seems common.

Good luck! Be safe. Hugs.

Papabear