I've read through some of the letters you've replied to, and the replies, so I figured I'd man up and look to you for advice. I'm living with my boyfriend of six months, and his parents. I've been with them for about a month or so. I feel absolutely out of place here. I mean, I used to come down with my boyfriend when he lived in my hometown, and I loved it down here. The move was unintentional, but at first I enjoyed it. After about the second week, I started feeling a little out of place, but I continued on like everything was absolutely perfect. I recently started feeling worse about being here, and feeling more out of place. I'm feeling lost, as well. It's like my moving here has just thrown off my psychological equilibrium. I don't know what to do anymore, and really feel that there is just something wrong with my being here.
Thank you for taking the time to read this,
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Well, first obvious question: why can't you move back where you were? I feel there are some details being left out about the circumstances of the move. Please elaborate.
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I guess, the reason I can't go back is more of a personal, rather than anything else. I turn twenty-one this year, actually very soon, and I have been trying to be more and more independent as time has gone. I absolutely hate relying on my parents, but I'm regretting having to rely on my bf's parents. I haven't really been able to figure out what to do with my life, either. I've gone to school for computers, with government funding, which fell through, I wound up failing my classes, and could not go back without paying my tuition out of pocket, and then, having skidded around that problem, I attempted to go to school for music, which is my passion, but, again, failed my classes. I don't know if I'm just being too focused on my independence, or if I'm just not cut out for it. Back to the main point though, it's mostly an independence versus dependence issue with me, with a small side of monetary issues.
I hope that gives you all the detail you asked for, if not feel free to ask for more.
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Hi, again, Skylar,
Okay, it sounds to Papabear like being "out of place” actually means “not feeling good about being dependent on my bf’s parents.” So, you tried going to school to study computers and then music, but failed in both. This could be for a couple of reasons: perhaps you lack discipline and focus to succeed in a classroom setting, perhaps (and you don’t say this) you have a learning disability, or perhaps you just are not cut out for either of these fields, despite having a passion for them.
In order to gain your bearings again and not feel lost, the best thing for you to do is to find a job that gives you self-confidence and makes you feel like you are contributing and becoming independent. Now is the time to sit down with people you know (your parents, boyfriend, other people you know and respect) and talk to them. Tell them you really don’t want to be a burden to people around you and you want to find something you can do with your life and be productive.
Be open-minded about their suggestions--don't dismiss them out of hand if you don't like them at first.
Skylar, I think you will find that talking to other people can provide you with real insights about yourself. Those around you often see things about you that you yourself cannot see, and they can then offer suggestions, perhaps even find you some job leads that will get you interviews and employment.
Start to network and build a list of potential mentors and contacts. Work on this for at least a few hours every day. Your diligence will not only eventually pay off in unexpected ways, but the people around you will gain immense respect for you because you are really making an effort to contribute. This, too, will help you feel more like part of your adopted family and you will find yourself fitting in much better.
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