New Friend Says He Has One Year to Live and Cuts Him Off

Papabear,

I have this friend that I met weeks ago, and we really hit it off.... We talked, joked, played around, and had fun.

Well, today, he mentioned that he has cancer and 1 year to live. He said that he'd stop talking to me so that I wouldn't get attached, and it hurt.

Now he's not talking to me. I'm depressed and scared.... What do I do??

Sean

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Dear Sean,

This might sound rather cynical, but my first reaction to your situation has to do with a couple of experiences I have had. On not one but two occasions, I have had furries tell me they were dying or near death and it turned out to be a lie because, for some reason, they wished to break off communication with me and didn’t have the guts to just tell me. One of them even texted me, pretending to be his father and telling me his son was dead (good gravy). I also had a non-furry once call me and say he was in the hospital about to get a quadruple bypass and that he might die on the table—only to find out a few hours later it was all a lie to get sympathy from me.

The first thing I would do, if I were you, is try to confirm the story. Try to contact other friends of his and check out what’s going on. If it’s all a lie because this guy no longer wants to talk to you, grant him his wish and shut the door, nay, slam the door. I’m sorry if this sounds horrible of me, but the whole “I have one year to live” thing rings like cliché to my ears. I would bet you $100 right now that it’s bullpucky. Why? Because you just met him a few weeks ago; he was joking around, happy, care-free, feeling fine. All of a sudden he’s going to die in a year? Alarm bells are ringing here, and if untrue, then you have a right to be angry about his emotionally manipulating you.

But! I could be wrong; wouldn’t be the first time. If confirmed (and I am serious that you should check out his story and not just take his word for it) and he really is terminal with cancer, then he needs a friend. Emotional support and encouragement are some of the best medicines for a person who is ill. You don’t have to offer solutions; just your mere presence can help immensely. No one wants to die alone and friendless. I’m hoping that this friend is somewhere close so you could actually visit him, but if that’s impossible, use the phone or Skype (texting is not sufficient) so that he can hear your voice and/or your face.

If you are having trouble contacting him, employ the same strategy as above and try to contact his friends and family. He and they need to know you’re a real friend who wishes to be supportive in this difficult time.

Good luck!

Papabear