Dear Papabear,
In the week since I broke up with my ex I fell into an old habit. This habit is basically collecting pictures of my first crush and sorting them in a folder on my laptop. Now my first crush was at the young age of seven, and the object of my affection was the fictional character of Molly Macdonald [a character from the PBS cartoon series Arthur]. Now all of that was just exposition. My question concerns events that happened today. So I was sitting in my room listening to music. After a while I had to use the restroom (note that I had left my computer on Spotify). After a few minutes, I got out the john and walked into my room. Immediately, I noticed something was off: The folder with pictures of my first crush was opened. The only other person home was my mom, so I guess she snuck into my room and was searching my laptop, where she saw a folder labeled "Molly" and probably though I got a new girlfriend and got excited or something, until she clicked on it and was met with 659 images of a children's show character. At dinner my mom was extremely quiet, and after dinner I heard her telling my dad about something she found on my computer. I am now extremely worried I may be at least sent to a therapist, as my parents probably think I'm a creep now. I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience, especially considering you helped me last week. Thank you in advance. Sincerely, Davis Butler * * * Hi, Davis, Quick question: were all of these images of Molly G-rated? Thanks, Papabear Dear Papabear, None of the images were NSFW. That’s actually a pretty pointless question as even if there’s no porn it is still incredibly suspect to have 659 images of a 9 yo from an educational show for children. My parents haven’t said anything yet, though my dad handed me the business card for a therapist yesterday. Sincerely, Davis Butler * * * Hi, Davis, It's actually a very relevant question that I needed to ask before giving you a full reply. You do not need a therapist because you like children's cartoons. Pretty much everyone in the furry fandom likes them (my favorite is TaleSpin), and the vast majority of us (LOL) are perfectly sane; millions of mundane adults enjoy cartoons, too; indeed, Japanese culture is full of anime-loving adults, and we all know how popular anime is worldwide. Now, some cartoons are definitely aimed at very young kids (e.g. Teletubbies), but the majority are really for "general audiences," meaning they are suitable for children AND adults. Here is an article as to why many adults like cartoons, even cartoons for little kids. And some people believe it can actually be helpful to adults to watch them. Therapists are for people who are troubled (or just need some professional guidance). If you are having emotional or mental problems, then you go to see a therapist. If you have problems recognizing reality, then you need a psychologist or psychiatrist. But just watching a cartoon does not at all mean you are crazy or unbalanced. Your parents are of the misguided impression that you must stop all childlike behavior at a certain age and be pushed into adulthood and being boring and dutiful etc. etc. They are wrong about that. While it is important to go out into the world and become a productive citizen, that doesn't mean you have to kill the child that remains inside all of us. I don't expect that you can show your parents this email and that it will convince them, so go to the therapist, tell them what's going on, and get them to write a note to your parents that you are not crazy so that Mom and Dad will have written notice from a professional that they shouldn't worry. (If the therapist says you are crazy, then they are a terrible therapist; get a different one). Hope that makes you feel better. Hugs, Papabear * * * Dear Papabear, My parents have nothing wrong with me enjoying something not made for my age group. The problem they have is with having 659 images of a specific character. If I found something like that on one of my friends computers I would also be skeeved out. The reason it’s a little creepy is cause of the number of images. It took months to amass 659 images of Molly Mcdonald. I can see someone thinking I’m a pedo cause of that folder. Sincerely, Davis Butler * * * Well, it's not like you're a stalker, and Molly isn't a real person. If you had that many images of, say, Jody Foster, yeah, that would be creepy. But this is a fictional character, so it is more of a hobby. While I'm here I'll ask: what is it about this character you find so appealing? Papabear * * * Dear Papabear, An explanation of why I am infatuated, obsessed even, with Molly will take some time. As far back as I can remember I have always been attracted to tomboys. Because Molly is a tomboy I developed a crush on her. I developed an obsession with Molly because I have high-functioning autism, and as you probably know, people with this disorder develop obsessions with people, things, even places. Next, I’m like 11, my balls drop, my voice begins cracking, and now I have a fetish for tomboyish bullies. I started the photo collection on a old tablet I had. Next, we jump to when I turned 14. I deleted every nsfw image that was in the folder, as I had just then learned she was only 9; I had thought she was at least 13-14. Next I stopped adding to the folder about a year ago as I got a girlfriend and I actually had something to do besides look a pictures of a fictional girl. Anyway, that’s basically my explanation of why I have an infatuation with Molly. Sincerely, Davis Butler * * * Hi, Davis, Well, okay then. I would think that your parents would understand the obsession possibilities involved with autism, and the Molly thing is certainly consistent with that. From what you are telling me, you are actually very well-balanced. Sure, you had a bit of an obsession (everyone has SOMEthing they are fascinated by on a romantic or sexual level), making you no different from most other people (with me, it's bears, obviously). Furthermore, you got rid of the NSFW stuff when you realized the age thing was a factor (even though Molly isn't real, some people do get in trouble for having anything on their computer resembling child porn, even if it is fictional), you have stopped collecting the art in general, and you are moving on to a relationship with a real girl and realizing that it is better than living in a fantasy world. Even though you two broke up (rare that a first girlfriend turns into a forever love), you are moving into the realm of reality. Heck! I'd say you're doing great! And I think any therapist would agree with me. Here is what I would suggest for you now. Talk to your parents openly about computer use and your privacy. Tell them that while you appreciate they are trying to protect you, spying on you is not acceptable. Instead, there should be an open agreement between you and your parents. Solution: propose to them that they write a computer usage contract https://www.kidguard.com/parents-guide-to-technology/how-to-make-a-computer-usage-contract-with-your-child/. Sometimes, getting things down in writing can calm people down. Tell them what you told me about Molly. Be open and honest with your parents and ask that they do the same for you. At 15, you are old enough to have a more respectful and mature relationship with your parents. You should also acknowledge to them that you understand they love you and are trying to protect you and that you love them right back. Sneaking around is detrimental to any relationship, whether it is between spouses, parents and their children, coworkers, or friends, it is always a bad idea for anyone who is not a government spy LOL. Hope that helps. Good luck! Hugs, Papabear
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