Metrosexual Is Tired of People Thinking He Is Gay

Hi, Papabear,

This is my first doing something like this so I'm not sure if I'm asking right. I have been having a bit of trouble in school. Last year I had the same problem and didn't know how to fix it. It seems I have become a gay magnet at my school. Like almost every other week or month, some gay dude flirts with me, admits he has a crush on me, or even asks me out. Even some of my teachers try to hook me up with their sons, since they say I'm a nice guy. 

Problem is was raised with nothing but a female figure so I was raised as a metro. I may act feminine and gay, but I'm straight. So what I'm asking is, do you know how I can deal with this? On a side note, I know you only do one question per ask thing, but do you know how I can get out of the friend zone with the girls? This might help me out with my main question.

Kagex (age 20)

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Hi, Kagex,

An interesting quandary. I had kind of assumed that the whole metrosexual trend had waned because I haven’t heard it really discussed much in a couple years, hmm. So, despite your efforts to tell people you are straight, they keep assuming your are not, correct? And each time some guy flirts with you or some teacher tries to set you up with his or her son you inform them you are straight, yes? The problem with that can potentially be the “methinks he doth protest too much” syndrome in which people think that, the more you deny you’re gay, the more you are just trying to hide it. Kind of like this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5g196vURUDo.

As you have now experienced, human beings make a lot of judgments based on appearance alone (judging a book by its cover). We are quite shallow that way. So, one solution to your issue would be to dump the metrosexual look and imitate the dress of your muy macho peers. [Note to readers: metrosexuality can be seen as more about good grooming and pride in one’s appearance than about being feminine in any sense of the word, but many people who don’t understand this assume the metrosexual is an effeminate man.]

The problem with that is you would be getting rid of something that is a part of you (I am guessing you dress metrosexually because you are comfortable with that and not because your mother dresses you as such). 

The other possible solution involves your behavior. Being a metrosexual is really just a superficial trait that has to do with how you dress, the way you quaff your hair with products, and so on. Your behavior, who you are, is still straight. 

What you can do, then, while still being true to yourself, is enhance your straight behaviors as much as possible and present them as publicly and unabashedly as possible. If you were a jock who loves sports, that would be an ideal way to impress people with your masculinity. Simply talking about sports more often also leads people to think you are straight, even though many LGBT people enjoy sports. Is it a stupid stereotype? Yes, but we’re already trying to counteract a stupid stereotype, so let’s fight fire with fire.

Another stereotype would involve cars. Like cars? Like to fix cars? Or motorcycles? Great way to convince people you are straight (unless you are a woman, in which case it has the opposite effect; also, leathermen like motorcycles and are gay, so, again, stereotypes are problematic--just don't wear leather chaps and you should be okay ;-) ). Or, indeed, are you handy with tools? These are all things that people consider masculine.

The other obvious thing would be to be seen kissing one or more girls. You asked Papabear how you could get out of the friend zone with girls. Well, one bold way would be to frankly ask a girl you like if you can kiss her—or maybe, when the timing is right, just go for it without asking at all. This takes some guts on your part, and I’m not sure how shy you are or even if you ever have kissed a girl yet, but boldness will definitely get you out of the friend zone with a girl. Also, it will go a long way toward destroying the perception that you are gay if you kiss a girl in a public area. In such an event, gossip is your friend.

People learn by repetition. Because they have observed you wearing clothing they consider feminine in some ways and focusing on your hair so much, and because they have yet to see you date a girl or exhibit other masculine behaviors, they assume you are gay.

Break that pattern by repeating more masculine behaviors and, even if you do continue to pursue your metrosexual lifestyle, it should go a long way toward changing the way people perceive you.

Good luck

Papabear