My name is alan and I am finally 18 years old and I am a fat gay anthro rat and I am having a bit of a relationship issue. My mate, who I have been with three years, just keeps on gaming and well it’s taking a bit of a toll on our relationship. Whenever I come home from school and log on to my laptop the first thing I see is him on stream gaming. We have short little chats, we tell each other we love them and basically that's all our conversation turns out to be. And the month of February is worse. He games all month and I have to let him game or else I have to take care of a moody, fat, gay, anthro badger. To all reading this, the month of February is a tough month for him because he lost his mom when he was younger in this month.
I’ve just had it with his gaming. He games and games and games. I feel like he dose not care for me any more. I miss the old times when we had like date nights and he gave me all the love in the world, but now he just games and I started drinking sodas just to get me through the pain of this. I drink like 4 sodas a day; trust me, it’s that bad. Now I turn to you, Papabear. What should I do? I don’t know how much of this I can take anymore. I am losing sleep over this. I am a gamer but I only game like 5 to 6 hours but he games like 7 to 10 hours a day.
Oh, yeah, I got a nook for my birthday last year and I was wondering if you know any good books that I can read.
From a stressed out new Mexican rat king.
P.S.: My mate lives in Georgia, sorry I forgot to mention this.
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It’s clear that your mate has a gaming addiction that was probably exacerbated by the death of his mother. He is avoiding the pain he feels by submerging himself into a fantasy world. This might ease his pain, but he is actually hurting himself and you in the process. Therefore, it is not a positive therapeutic strategy, but a harmful one that must be stopped.
The mental health community is recognizing this problem more and more, and treatment centers are starting to pop up around the country specifically designed to treat gaming addicts. If your mate had the money, I would suggest he go to one of these.
First, of course, he needs to recognize he has a problem, just as an alcoholic or drug addict has to. That’s where you come in. From your letter, it does not sound like you have yet confronted him with the problem. Now, I guess he lives in a different state, so you can’t do the ideal thing, which is to sit down with him in person, hold his hand, look him in the eye, and explain the situation. Unless you can fly over to him, you’ll have to do the next best thing: call him on the phone or perhaps do a videochat.
Tell him basically what you told me. That all this gaming is hurting him and you and destroying your relationship. Tell him you love him and want to help, but he has to help himself by trying to get some treatment and trying to get off the gaming. One way to do that is to set limits. For example, if he is gaming 10 hours a day, try cutting it to 9 for a week, then to 8 for the next week, and so on until it is a more reasonable 2 hours or so.
As for your Nook, you could start by reading up on game addiction to help your mate. Here are a few good ones:
Work with your mate on breaking his addiction. This will take patience and time on your part. Such things don’t change overnight. There will likely be a two-steps-forward-one-or-two-back-two-steps-forward-again progress that, at times, could be infuriating, but if you love him you will work on it.
He also has to deal more directly with the grief over losing his mother. Some grief counseling from a professional would be helpful, either one-on-one or group therapy. Explore what options are available in his part of the country and go from there.
In addition to all of this, don’t forget to be good to yourself. You can begin by dropping the sodas and drink herbal tea or water with some lemon or lime and a dose of stevia sweetener. If you like it bubbly, get some soda water and mix citrus and stevia into it. Try to get some exercise, and yoga or meditation to calm your spirits. People who try to help those who have an addiction or serious illness often forget that they need to be healthy, too, so take care of yourself!
Hope this helps! Please keep me posted on your progress.
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