Dear Papa Bear
I am interested in this wolf. We have a lot in common. We live on opposite sides of the U.S., but we are handling that. Things are going great up until we started talking about what we are into. That’s where we differ a little.
Now he is into the foot fetish. That is one of a few fetishes I don’t get. I mean why would some one like feet rubbing them down there? It makes no sense. I can understand a foot rub but that. Yeah.... Well I really want to make him happy but he wants me to rub his ...... you know with my feet. I don’t like people touching my feet. You see where the problem is now.
My question is I guess. What should I do? I want him to be happy too and have his fetish taken care of but I just cant get past the whole I-have-to-have-my-feet-touched idea?
Thank you for having this site and for the help.
* * *
While many people are “vanilla” when it comes to sex, many others have fetishes. These are just things that trigger something in our brain that sets off sexual desires. Pardon this bear for a private chuckle, but the idea of a furry writing to me about finding a foot fetish “odd” when the entire furry fandom has been accused of being a sexual fetish is somewhat amusing.
There are all kinds of fetishes out there, too many to enumerate, but here are a few common ones among the fandom: voraphilia (fantasizing about being eaten or of eating another furry), ovipositing (egg laying), tentacles, leather bears (blush), diapers, messy sex, BDSM, hermaphrodite sex, watersports, interspecies sex, and on and on. When it comes to sex, 90% of what turns us on is in the brain (as they say, the largest sex organ is the brain). Psychologists have studied sexual fetishes for ages, and there are many theories about each fetish that would take too long to go into here, so let’s focus for now on the foot fetish, which is actually the most common of all fetishes, believe it or not.
This is actually rather fascinating. Recent research has found some interesting explanations for the foot fetish. If you are aware of foot massage techniques (reflexology), for example, you might know that applying pressure on certain parts of the sole of the foot can stimulate nerves that alleviate stress and pain in other areas of the body. One of these is the genitals. Rubbing the hollow under the ankle bones is the pressure point that stimulates the genitals in both men and women (as half my audience leaves at this point to try it out LOL). And I don’t have to tell your partner that rubbing all over the bottom of the foot is just soooo goood (sorry, I love a good footie paw rub). In addition, for many men, manipulating the penis with the toes and ball of the foot in an expert way is similar in many ways to the sensation one gets when inserting the penis into a vagina. Especially nice if the partner courteously adds lotion to his feet.
What’s even more interesting is recent research that has shown that the number of those with foot fetishes increases during times of high rates of sexual disease outbreaks (e.g. the syphilis outbreaks of the 16th and 19th centuries, gonorrhea was a real problem in the 13th century, and, of course, HIV and AIDS in the modern era). Researchers have found that foot fetishes are on the rise again—the explanation? It is a form of satisfying yet safe sex.
So, Dragoncores, your boyfriend's fetish is actually not very bizarre at all, but quite common. However, we have the problem here that you are not really into it. So, what to do? Papabear’s position has always been that relationships should be give-and-take. As long as your boyfriend is not hurting you by his fetish (and he’s not in this case), then there is no harm in indulging him in this. You do have a rather sticky problem in that, for some reason, you don’t like your feet being touched. That, to me, is actually a bit more odd than your boyfriend’s fetish. You might try getting over this by slowly having your boyfriend touch your feet for short periods of time, working your way up to longer increments until you are used to it. In this way, you might get over your foot issues and go to the next level, so to speak. But, if you just cannot stand having your feet touch, then, sadly, this relationship might not work out.
Now, if you CAN see your way clear to having your feet touched and then giving him some foot massages in the needed area, then, as mentioned above, it is time for your boyfriend to reciprocate with something that YOU enjoy sexually. I’m sure you can think of something....
Papabear hopes you can work this out. It might ease your mind a bit to know that your boyfriend is not asking you to do something really bizarre; his fetish is quite normal. Maybe that might ease your stress and you can work it out with him. I hope so.
Good luck! Bear hugs!
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.