Mate Is Sending Him Mixed Signals

Hi Papabear,

I just wanted to know if you could help me out with a problem I've been having. I've been a furry for about 8 months now, and I love it. It gave me inspiration for my art and some of the greatest friends I've ever had. But, here's the problem. My mate is not furry, and she is a little iffy on the topic as a whole. Some days, she seems to be fine and accepting of me being furry. And then other days, she wants nothing to do with any of it and acts like it's the weirdest thing ever. 

She knows she should be more accepting of it, and I've explained why it's not what she thinks it is. But still, she seems to want to hide the fact that I'm furry from everyone, when all I want is to be myself and not be judged. Honestly, it makes me feel like I'm being judged by her. And what makes it more confusing, is that she's the one that started calling me Wolfy before I was furry. So I chose my fursona based on that. She decided she was a fox and I call her foxy. She even had me draw a furry version of her and she liked the picture! She even owns a tails and ears. Is she just a closet furry?

I just don't know how to make her understand and she can't seem to figure out what it is that is bothering her about it. This is our only problem area. I'm head over paws for this girl and I know I don't want to leave her just because of this. Any advice you could give me on this would be great. 

--Confused Wolf

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Hi, Wolf,

Thanks for writing "Ask Papabear." The issue here is clearly not you but your mate. She is sending you mixed signals: is she a furry or isn't she? Is she accepting of you as a furry, too, or isn't she? Either way, at this point in time, she seems embarrassed by furries and so won't be furry in front of non-furries.

You mention you have only been a furry for eight months. That isn't very long, and perhaps she just needs some more time to warm up to the idea of furriness.  Instead of insisting she dive in head first into the engulfing waters of the fandom, perhaps what she needs to do is wade into the shallow end and slowly move into deeper waters. For now, I would suggest you and she do fun furry activities together in private or among other furries only.  Do so in small doses rather than inundating her in 100%, 24/7 furriness. Between your furry times together, go and share non-furry activities, such as going out dancing or to the movies with your non-furry friends.

Over time, depending on your sense of how she is doing and feeling about being furry, you can gradually increase your furry activities together. I can't give you a timeline on how to do this because so much depends on her and how she is warming up to being furry.  It's great that she is making the effort to do furry things together with you, and she clearly cares about you if she is doing so, just don't push it or insist that she accept furry 100% right now, all or nothing. Relationships are a process; they take work, they take time, but when they involve a person you care about, as you clearly care about your mate, they are well worth the effort.

Good luck!

Papabear