Mate Has a Suspicious Double Standard
So this is going to get a little confusing probably...
First things first, I'm a non-fur, at least by the definition that has come to me through a few years of dealing with the fur community.
However, I have a lot of friends in the fur community, some of whom are furs, some who aren't, but choose to socialize with them for the same reasons I socialize with these particular friends. The reason I joined Fur Affinity in the first place was because my boyfriend (now Fiance) had joined the fur community, but for a lot of the wrong reasons (sexual things), and it bothered me, so I wanted to see what it was all about and see if maybe I was just misjudging him.
After years of ups and downs, we finally got our relationship back on track, and solidified our terms of what's okay and what's not, and now things are much better than they used to be.
The problem now is that he doesn't like me being on FA anymore, because during our many 'discussions' he decided the best way to avoid causing drama due to inappropriate behavior with random furs was to just stop using the website. He does still visit it, just very rarely, and at most he'll comment on a picture his friend drew, and then delete all other activity and log out.
The reasons I've stayed on FA are because I had set up my crafting business on various websites and e-shops, as well as on FA, and my biggest following for my work is on FA. The way the website is constructed is more conducive to socializing than any other I've been on, and thus it's easier for me to get my work noticed and find more customers on FA than anywhere else. The other reason being that some of my close friends happen to frequent the site as well, either socially or in a business aspect, like myself. I like to view their work, or participate in their conversations when they post journals and such, but I've unwatched any members who I feel are more about drama than anything else, just to avoid causing any drama myself.
Still, whenever we wind up arguing about something, he'll bring up the fact that I'm still on FA, even though he uses it as well, and still goes out of his way to join other furry communities (gamers mostly) and still talks to many of the furs who nearly cost us our relationship more than once, despite that I don't like him talking to them.
I've resigned myself to the fact that he's going to talk to whoever he's going to talk to, fur or otherwise, so is it really so bad that I stay on FA for my friends and my craft business? Or should I really consider closing my accounts?
And to be clear, the reason I didn't want him in the fur community was because he'd usually make it into a sexual thing, whereas I was (and still am) very adamant about "paws off", so I never went that far. To me, there's no real reason I should close my FA accounts since I never did anything pervy with anyone there, but he did. I haven't told him not to use the site at all, I just asked him to not encourage any sexual or perverted behavior, since a lot of furs seem to just go straight for his pants. He's the one who decided to avoid the site (mostly) to make that easier to accomplish.
* * *
It’s terrific that you’re working things out with your mate. If this is the only issue between the two of you that needs to be straightened out, that’s really not bad at all. Still, let’s see if we can take care of this last bit of drama.
The crux of the problem here is that there is a double standard. Your mate is allowed to go on FA but you are not. Papabear says that you should either BOTH be on FA or BOTH not be on FA. I suspect—and this is only a suspicion—that the motive here is that he wants to be on FA and start doing sexual RPs again without your seeing it (which might be why after each time he is on FA he will "delete all other activity and log out.")
It is unfair of him to demand you refrain from using FA, especially when you use it for very practical, nonsexual reasons, while he continues to use it.
So, well, really a short response here because the solution is basic. Both of you are in this relationship, both of you should be treated the same, so both of you should be allowed to do the same things or agree to not do them—together.
The two of you need to work on that until you come to an agreement. No Double Standards! Capice?
12/15/2012 07:22:17 am
*nods* Well said papa bear! Like always. I love how you said the last paragraph.
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