Making Friends at Furcons

[Papabear Note: Thank you to everyone who wrote to me in the last couple months since my love Yogi's passing. I appreciate all your support. Hugs.]

Papabear,

I've gone to Megaplex Con for the past two years, but I am too nervous to achieve one of the main reasons I go, which is to meet new people. So what I am asking is this: Do you have any tips on approaching and meeting people?
 
Kitra
 
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Dear Kitra,
 
Indeed, I do. Going to a furcon or other convention is a great way to meet new people because you know you are surrounded by attendees who share your interests, making it easier to relate to them. Even so, we can be nervous about striking up a conversation. Here are some things you can do:
 
Good Ideas

• Start off with a compliment. This is a marvelous way to break the ice. Don’t fake it, though. It works best when you’re sincere. For example, if you see someone with an awesome tattoo or hairstyle, just walk up to them and say, “Wow! I really like what you’ve done with your hair!” That is sure to elicit a smile and at least a “Thank you” and you can go from there.
• Ask a question. This is kind of similar to the above with a different spin. For example, you see some people standing in front of the room where they are holding a Horse SIG (species interest group) and they are dressed in a way that indicates they are going to go inside. You can say something like, “Are you going to the horse SIG? I haven’t been to one before. What do you like the most about horses?” And so on....
• Let others talk. One thing that makes people nervous about meeting new friends is they think they have to do all the talking. Actually, the opposite is true. You’re trying to get to know them so let them talk. Ask them questions about their interests and their lives and let them chat about themselves. This takes a lot of pressure off of you. Just remember to pay attention to what they say and don’t zone out LOL.
• Play a game. One thing about furcons is there is lots of game play going on. See if you can join in on a videogame, card game, or board game. Naturally, you’ll need to talk about the game as you participate, and this can lead to other topics of conversation.
• Make eye contact. When you look someone in the eye it shows you are interested in them and who they are as a person. Obviously, don’t stare at a woman’s chest, don’t examine the bulge in a guy’s pants, but also don’t look away from them because that indicates you aren’t interested in what they are saying.
• Pace your speech. This means don’t talk really fast, an indication of nervousness. Take a breath and speak in a clear, relaxed tone.
• Body language. Don’t cross your arms, tap your foot, pace around. These things indicate you’re impatient or unreceptive. Keep your body language loose and relaxed, but, at least initially, avoid overly friendly gestures (no groping LOL, and don’t hug at first unless invited to [furries can be overly huggy for some people]).
• Don’t forget to introduce yourself! I almost forgot this one haha. Remember to say who you are. It’s okay to start off with just your furry name, and if things get friendly use your real name, too.

 
Things to Avoid

• Politics and religion. While these can be really cool topics, especially at a furcon, it is not advisable to talk about them in the early stages, especially. Find out who people are first before broaching such sensitive topics.
• Don’t get too personal. Again, when first meeting someone, you don’t want to bring up something that could be a sore spot. Any topic that might have to deal with money, family, or health issues should be avoided, at least in the beginning.
• Don’t judge. If someone says something you find really offensive or don’t agree with, now’s not the time for confrontation. Check out the below tips....

 
How to Get Out of It

• Potty break. If things aren’t going well, you can bow out by simply saying you have to relieve yourself. I used this with my father-in-law when he starts going on and on about stories I’ve heard before.
• Appointment. Announce that you have a forum you wish to attend or some other scheduled event.
• Don’t say you have to meet friends. If you say, “Well, I told some friends I would meet them now, so I need to go” you might get the uncomfortable response that your “new friend” wants to come with you, which is hard to get out of if you don’t like them.

 
The Next Step

• If you DO like them, invite them to come with you to a forum, meet, or other activity.
• Don’t invite them to your room. This could get awkward fast, especially if they get the wrong idea.
• Exchange numbers. A nice way to text or phone and keep in touch. You can also exchange things such as your Skype or Facebook contact information.
• Make definite plans. Don’t end with a vague, “Well, catch up with you later” (unless you don’t intend to). Make something more definite, such as, “Hey, let’s go to dinner. I’ll meet you in the lobby at 6.”

Some of the best friendships can be formed at a con. Relax, be yourself, and allow yourself to learn about other people and you’ll be fine.
 
Hugs,
Papabear