Ask Papabear: The First Advice Column for Furries!
  • Home
  • Letters
  • Write Me
  • Disclaimer
  • Good Furry Award
    • Nomination Form
    • Lifetime Achievement Award
    • 2023 Nominees
    • 2022 Winners and Nominees
    • 2021 Wiinners
    • 2020 Winners
    • 2019 Winners
    • Good Furry Theme Song
  • Advertise
  • About
  • Gifts
  • Testimonials
  • Fan Art
  • Resources
  • Ask Papabear
  • Home
  • Letters
  • Write Me
  • Disclaimer
  • Good Furry Award
    • Nomination Form
    • Lifetime Achievement Award
    • 2023 Nominees
    • 2022 Winners and Nominees
    • 2021 Wiinners
    • 2020 Winners
    • 2019 Winners
    • Good Furry Theme Song
  • Advertise
  • About
  • Gifts
  • Testimonials
  • Fan Art
  • Resources
  • Ask Papabear

Making Friends at Furcons

1/7/2016

1 Comment

 
[Papabear Note: Thank you to everyone who wrote to me in the last couple months since my love Yogi's passing. I appreciate all your support. Hugs.]

Papabear,

I've gone to Megaplex Con for the past two years, but I am too nervous to achieve one of the main reasons I go, which is to meet new people. So what I am asking is this: Do you have any tips on approaching and meeting people?
 
Kitra
 
* * *
 
Dear Kitra,
 
Indeed, I do. Going to a furcon or other convention is a great way to meet new people because you know you are surrounded by attendees who share your interests, making it easier to relate to them. Even so, we can be nervous about striking up a conversation. Here are some things you can do:
 
Good Ideas

  • Start off with a compliment. This is a marvelous way to break the ice. Don’t fake it, though. It works best when you’re sincere. For example, if you see someone with an awesome tattoo or hairstyle, just walk up to them and say, “Wow! I really like what you’ve done with your hair!” That is sure to elicit a smile and at least a “Thank you” and you can go from there.
  • Ask a question. This is kind of similar to the above with a different spin. For example, you see some people standing in front of the room where they are holding a Horse SIG (species interest group) and they are dressed in a way that indicates they are going to go inside. You can say something like, “Are you going to the horse SIG? I haven’t been to one before. What do you like the most about horses?” And so on....
  • Let others talk. One thing that makes people nervous about meeting new friends is they think they have to do all the talking. Actually, the opposite is true. You’re trying to get to know them so let them talk. Ask them questions about their interests and their lives and let them chat about themselves. This takes a lot of pressure off of you. Just remember to pay attention to what they say and don’t zone out LOL.
  • Play a game. One thing about furcons is there is lots of game play going on. See if you can join in on a videogame, card game, or board game. Naturally, you’ll need to talk about the game as you participate, and this can lead to other topics of conversation.
  • Make eye contact. When you look someone in the eye it shows you are interested in them and who they are as a person. Obviously, don’t stare at a woman’s chest, don’t examine the bulge in a guy’s pants, but also don’t look away from them because that indicates you aren’t interested in what they are saying.
  • Pace your speech. This means don’t talk really fast, an indication of nervousness. Take a breath and speak in a clear, relaxed tone.
  • Body language. Don’t cross your arms, tap your foot, pace around. These things indicate you’re impatient or unreceptive. Keep your body language loose and relaxed, but, at least initially, avoid overly friendly gestures (no groping LOL, and don’t hug at first unless invited to [furries can be overly huggy for some people]).
  • Don’t forget to introduce yourself! I almost forgot this one haha. Remember to say who you are. It’s okay to start off with just your furry name, and if things get friendly use your real name, too.
 
Things to Avoid

  • Politics and religion. While these can be really cool topics, especially at a furcon, it is not advisable to talk about them in the early stages, especially. Find out who people are first before broaching such sensitive topics.
  • Don’t get too personal. Again, when first meeting someone, you don’t want to bring up something that could be a sore spot. Any topic that might have to deal with money, family, or health issues should be avoided, at least in the beginning.
  • Don’t judge. If someone says something you find really offensive or don’t agree with, now’s not the time for confrontation. Check out the below tips....
 
How to Get Out of It

  • Potty break. If things aren’t going well, you can bow out by simply saying you have to relieve yourself. I used this with my father-in-law when he starts going on and on about stories I’ve heard before.
  • Appointment. Announce that you have a forum you wish to attend or some other scheduled event.
  • Don’t say you have to meet friends. If you say, “Well, I told some friends I would meet them now, so I need to go” you might get the uncomfortable response that your “new friend” wants to come with you, which is hard to get out of if you don’t like them.
 
The Next Step

  • If you DO like them, invite them to come with you to a forum, meet, or other activity.
  • Don’t invite them to your room. This could get awkward fast, especially if they get the wrong idea.
  • Exchange numbers. A nice way to text or phone and keep in touch. You can also exchange things such as your Skype or Facebook contact information.
  • Make definite plans. Don’t end with a vague, “Well, catch up with you later” (unless you don’t intend to). Make something more definite, such as, “Hey, let’s go to dinner. I’ll meet you in the lobby at 6.”

Some of the best friendships can be formed at a con. Relax, be yourself, and allow yourself to learn about other people and you’ll be fine.
 
Hugs,
Papabear
1 Comment
Dumarsi
1/7/2016 07:47:59 pm

Very good tips :)

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Go to Papabear's Facebook page

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Addiction
    Art And Literature
    Careers
    Coming Out Furry
    Crime And The Law
    Editorial
    Family Issues
    Friends Issues
    Furry Definition
    Furry Issues (other)
    Fursonas
    Fursuiting
    Health
    Illness And Death Issues
    LGBT And Gender Issues
    Loneliness Depression Anger
    Love And Relationships
    Money
    Odd And Ends
    Politics
    Religion And Spirituality
    Roommates
    School Life
    Self Improvement
    Sexuality And Sex
    Social Networking
    Work And The Workplace

    Picture
    Picture
    An excellent article on coming out LGBT to Christian parents.
    Picture
    My Rainbow Ark is a site for and about LGBT furries and religion and how they are not incompatible.

    Picture
    A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.

Home

Letters

Write Me

Disclaimer

About

Copyright © 2012-2023