Hello, again. I just want to start off by saying my deepest condolences for your loss. I can't imagine what it's like to lose someone you care for so much and thank you for continuing to do this in spite of it.
I'm not entirely certain how to work this question, so I'm really sorry if it's confusing.... I used to be really smart, but not anymore, so I lost a lot of my vocabulary. Anyway, how do you know when to give up on something? I mean, does a person get a great realization or something? It's just I've wanted to work in veterinary medicine since I was 6, and now that I'm doing it ... I'm positively awful at it.... I can't do anything right. I'm just shy of a year at my job and I don't seem to be getting any better at it. I'm always being yelled at for my screw ups and I'm trying my very best but it's pretty clear it's just not enough.... I've had two panic attacks at work already. Thankfully, I was able to keep it hidden both times, so at least I didn't get fired. But I'm starting to think my mom was right, I'm just useless and not good at anything. That I should just find a dead end job that requires no skill or brain power and that's it. But, I'm just not ready give up.... Am I, as the expression goes, not seeing the forest for the trees?
Once again, thank you for your time.
Galileo (age 27, New York)
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Before I answer in more depth, what do you mean "I used to be smart but I've lost a lot of my vocabulary"? Did you suffer an injury that caused you to forget words? What's going on there?
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Not an injury, but couple years ago, I terribly sick and it really messed with my mental facilities.
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What was the illness, please.
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Would you believe Lyme disease? I was in the that lucky percentage that it affects brain. I haven't been right since.
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Okay, I believe I have enough information now, thank you. Let’s talk first about the Lyme disease. Very sorry that happened to you. If you haven’t already done so, I would apply right away for social security disability (http://www.disabilitysecrets.com/social-security-disability-lyme-disease.html and confer here, too: http://www.ssdrc.com/ssd-lyme-disease.html and here http://fromlymetolife.com/category/social-security-disability-for-lyme-a-how-to-guide/). You are probably eligible for government assistance because of your condition. You need to get documentation from your doctor and go through an application process, of course. Sometimes, sad to say, you also need to call an attorney to get what you deserve (our lame government often fights tooth and nail before it gives money to people who qualify, but it is worth the effort).
Okay, next: your job. Do your bosses at work know you had Lyme disease and it affected your mental faculties? If not, they really should know. Perhaps they can change your workload in order to compensate; if they do know and are still treating you this terribly, shame on them.
It’s not your fault that you are having these problems. Please don’t blame yourself and put all the guilt on you. You had a disease and it hurt you; would you blame yourself if you had fallen, struck your head, and suffered some mental impairment? No, you would not, and neither should you for this. Also, shame on your mother for calling you useless. I wish I could hit her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. “Bad, Mom! Bad! No! No!”
What you need is a supportive voice or two or three in your life. I suggest you take a look at the following links for resources and advice:
Galileo, before you go worrying about your career, you need to take care of yourself and learn how to manage what has happened to you because of this disease. Please take some time to do that, and then we can talk again.
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