Losing Friends We Have Wronged Serves as an Important Life Lesson

Papabear, 

​So, this is gonna be a bit of a long one but I need some guidance because I don't know where else to go.

Recently, I left the furry community due to feeling I didn't fit in it no more. I was in a depressed state. I lost people that brought me out of my shell and got me to do art again, and the people that were still there for me stopped helping me as they didn't know what else to do.

To provide context, I was with a group of people that inspired me to draw again - and I happened to piss them off doing an RP. I tried doing art for them as a way of saying sorry, and after that I was gonna leave them alone, but it backfired hard in my face and got me chewed out by a few of them.

When I talked to this other group of friends, one of them exhausted his options to help me get over it, and the rest just stayed silent no matter how much I reached out.

And it got to a point where I didn't want to stick around anymore. I couldn't handle the weight of the pain I felt. I got tired of dealing with it, and there was nothing else I could do to help alleviate the pressure of it all.

Today, I am getting help and taking steps to keep myself on the up and up. But every now and again I keep thinking about those people I RP'd [with] and I've been trying to forget them so I don't hurt anymore.

The question I have is: How do I come to terms with this whole thing, even though I've accepted that I'll never see them again?

* * *

Dear Furiend,

Apologies for the slow reply.

I'll start by giving you kudos for getting help, which I interpret to mean some professional counseling, an excellent step to take. Since you only provide generalities here without explaining details as to what you did, exactly, to upset your friends so much, I will reply with some generalized words of advice.

As much as we want to be furry, let's face it: we're human. And being human means we can make mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes hurt feelings and cost us friends. In the worst-case scenarios, those friends are gone for good. Even a sincere, heartfelt apology combined with attempts to make amends and compensate for the hurt will not work.

It's also natural to think a lot about what happened and even obsess about the past, creating a cloud over our heads that casts a shadow on our lives.

So, what do you do?

Take stock of what you have done so far. The essential steps include: 1) Admitting you made a mistake; 2) Apologizing for the mistake; 3) Making amends for the mistake; 4) Promising not to make that mistake again and to try to do better in the future. At any point in the process, the person you have offended can reject your gestures. When that happens, you will just have to accept it.

An important lesson in life is that you can't change other people's behaviors and reactions; you can't control them. The only thing you have control over is your own actions and reactions.

It is also important to keep in mind that when you do something wrong--whether or not you intended to do it--it is not necessarily a failure. We all make mistakes, and the key is to learn from those mistakes and take those lessons to heart so you may become a better human being as a result. If you constantly strive to be a better person, then even if those people you have wronged in the past do not forgive you, it's okay. It's not a loss; it's a lesson.

And that's how you come to terms with something like this. You accept the consequences of your mistake and consider it a lesson in life that will help you to evolve into a better person in the future.  We cannot change the past, but changing the past is not what life is about. We are here to learn, and as long as we keep learning, we will stay on the right path in life.

Hugs,
Papabear