Lonely Furry Is Jealous of Fur-Parents' Love

Dear Papabear,

Lately I've been feeling unsure about what to do.

I have two fur-parents, whom I love so very much. I visit them often, and often I end up feeling depressed. I’ve just been feeling alone, because they have each other and, I haven't got anybody to call my own or the sort, I haven't got a mate. So when I'm around them I end up just getting a little depressed, because they're so happy together and there's no one for me to be like that with. They know about how I feel, but of course there's nothing that they can do, it's not like they can just stop loving each other when I'm around.

So I'm not sure what to do about it, I don't want to be depressed about it, but I don't know how to just stop feeling like that.

We've talked about it, and I know that I've got people that love me back, but as friends and family, but there's the one kind that's not there that makes me feel upset.

It probably doesn't help that I might have a bit of a crush on one of them but I know very well that they are together and I'm no reason for them to separate. They're happy together and I don't want to change that.

But what do I do?

-Blitz.

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Dear Blitz,

Jealousy is a rather ugly thing and something to be avoided at all costs, whether it is jealousy for another furry’s shiny or for another furry’s mate. You must immediately try and get over any kind of crush you might have on this fur-parent of yours.  Papabear realizes you told yourself you don’t want to break up their relationship, but even entertaining the slightest thought of love for this person is a HUGE red flag and you need to back off of it right away. Not doing so will lead to nothing but misery for all three of you.

That said, Papabear understands the yearning for a mate and how not having one can make you feel depressed and anxious.  I’ve seen a number of furries get this way, and after a while they start to exude a positively sickening stink of desperation about them, an aura if you will, that drives off others who might otherwise have been interested in them.

What you need, Blitz, is to take a break from this obsession with finding a mate and focus on yourself: your school, your work, your hobbies, self-improvement in general. Some people don’t feel complete without a mate, but that is often because they haven’t bothered to complete themselves yet.  The picture of the well-adjusted person is someone who enjoys the pleasure his or her own company.  Can you say that about yourself, Blitz? 

This doesn’t mean you are self-involved and selfish, no, not at all.  It means that you have come to a point where you are not needy.  The problem with being needy is that you often glomp on to someone who isn’t right for you just because they seem willing to be with you, which can lead to an unhealthy relationship indeed, and many regrets.

Being at peace with yourself will also allow you to be happy and rejoice in your fur-parents love for each other, rather than getting depressed by it.

Papabear is a strong believer in the idea that Love finds you, not the other way around. This happens when you are involved in activities that include lots of other people and they see you as someone who is happy and content with herself. This is a very attractive characteristic in someone that will cause people—including potential mates—to gravitate toward you.

Trust in love, and it will find you. In the meantime, chill out and enjoy life itself and all the things it has to offer.

Hugs,

Papabear