My question is a bit of a touchy subject. Recently we helped a fellow fur out by providing a place to live, as he was getting evicted from his prior residence. We were taking a chance, being that we did not know him very well, and now we wish we had.
A couple weeks after he first moved in we noticed something was a bit off. He admitted to us quite plainly he had stolen food from his previous roommates. I was none too happy and immediately told him if I ever caught him stealing from us, that he'd be out. Not long after this incident he made a sexual pass at my mate, right in front of me. I told him not to grab my boyfriend's ass, and that was his one and only warning.
Today he told me he threatened a small neighbor kid by saying if the kid's dog (a pit bull) came near him again it would die.
I am at a loss as what to do. I no longer feel comfortable with this fur in my house. I do not know how to break it to him that he might need to leave, especially since he traveled thru multiple states to get here, and I do not want to see anyone out on the street.
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This is a good example of the danger of letting someone into your home whom you don’t know well. It was nice of you to take that furry in, but generosity can only go so far. You need to have some respect for yourself and your own sanity. Therefore, if this arrangement isn’t working out, you are the lord of the manor, so to speak, and have the right to tell him to leave.
However, before you do that, let’s look what we have here. First there was his confession that he stole food at his previous place. However, he has, as yet, not stolen from you, and you made it clear this wasn’t acceptable. Secondly, he grabbed your mate’s butt. You put a stop to it and, I surmise, he hasn’t repeated the act. Finally, there was the dog incident, which is disturbing. I hope you told him that what he said was inappropriate and potentially criminal.
So, basically, this furry has got no social skills to speak of. Likely this is because either he was poorly raised by his parents or he has a mental or emotional problem. This shouldn’t be your problem, but you have made it your problem by bringing him into your home. You are right that it isn’t very kind of you to just kick him out onto the streets in an area he doesn’t even know well.
Do you like the guy, despite his flaws? If so, he is worth a bit of effort. I would suspect your initial deal with him was that this would be a temporary arrangement, yes? You can patiently explain to him what behavior is acceptable and what is not, and if he improves, then you don’t really have a problem, and, eventually, he’s moving out anyway.
If you don’t like the guy (behavior or not), then you need to move on this more quickly. Start working on plans to get him out now. Locate a friend or family member who will take him in and figure out a way to get him there. You don’t have to toss him on the street, but you should figure out something quickly. You don’t have to necessarily tell him you are doing this because he’s a buttmunch, just tell him that your financial circumstances have changed and you cannot afford him to stay much longer. Again, assuming you weren’t inviting him to live with you forever and ever, this is not a betrayal or a matter of you going back on your word.
3/1/2013 02:17:33 am
If SD does determine that it's necessary to get the guy out of the house, I would suggest that there are a couple things to watch out for. First of all, if he's a decent and reasonable person, which I hope he is, then none of this need apply in your situation. There's no need to assume the worst without good reason for it.
3/4/2013 01:57:16 am
This sounds almost exactly what happened to 2 friends of mine, which is how my letter to papa bear came from about my ex.
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