Hi, Mr. Bear, or do I call you Papa?
My question for you is this.... I live in a state away from my mate/love, who I will only name as Akio for safety reasons. I am trying to limit this question to one for this form, but I fear that it might be a two part in the end. My main question, though, is that in preparation for meeting him sometime in the fall, I want to be ... comfortable with showing myself to him—at least, in a more private sense. So, I enlisted the help of my other friend, Grey Wolf, as I'll refer to him, and am tempted to start Skyping with Grey Wolf to get more comfortable, ah, showing myself off to other men in a more private/intimate way. Do you think that I should do this? And, if so, am I even doing this the right way?
Allen (age 17)
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One might first ask why you would feel uncomfortable showing yourself nude to your mate but you are okay showing it to Grey Wolf? I’ll answer my own question based on my intuition: because you care what Akio thinks about your body but don’t really care as much what Grey Wolf thinks, and, therefore, if Grey Wolf somehow finds you physically lacking it won’t hurt as much compared to if Akio did the same thing to you. Am I correct?
Ask yourself this: if you told Akio what you are planning to do, would he approve? Is he okay with you doing cam and yiffy role play with other people? If so, then this might be okay, but I have a gut feeling you have never asked him or broached the question at all because you are too shy. Therefore, you would be doing the Skyping in secret, knowing full well Akio might not approve. If I am right, what does your gut say about that? Are you asking for Papabear’s approval because you know it’s not really a great idea?
Given what I can surmise about your character and relationship from your brief letter, I would say that you really shouldn’t Skype naked with Grey Wolf. It’s not the right choice for you and your particular situation.
Judging by your letter, too, I suspect you are a virgin, yes? So this is all new to you (kudos for wanting your first experience to be with someone you care about). Also, I am going to assume that your parents know about your travel plans (if not, then cancel the whole idea and read this letter I just wrote).
Assuming everything else is copacetic, what we need to do, then, is help you be comfortable with your body in front of Akio.
First off, has Akio indicated to you in any way that when the two of you meet you are going to jump into bed and have naked fun time? Is he in any way pressuring you to do that? If so, that’s not cool, and I would reconsider visiting him if that is his primary motivation. Why is it that people feel they immediately must get naked and yiff when they first meet? Sheesh.
Go visit Akio in the fall (if he is not pushing you about sex), and take the pressure off yourself by removing the expectation of sex. Instead, spend time with Akio doing fun things around town, talking, seeing a movie, playing minigolf or laser tag, sightseeing, holding hands, getting to know each other, even hugging and kissing are all good. This is your first in-person meeting with Akio, yes? And, I hope, it will be for several days. Spend the first couple of days getting to know him in the real world. You might find, to your surprise, that the chemistry is just not there and that you change your mind about having sex with him (thus effectively deleting the sexual pressure completely).
On the other paw, you may fall hopelessly and deeply in love with him—the kind of love you can’t experience online. And if that happens, know what? I predict that there will be a moment when the two of you, alone in a room together, fall rapturously into each others arms; the clothes come off (the condoms, hopefully, go on, says Critter), and your two bodies merge as one without any feelings of self-consciousness at all. Because, hon, it’s not about what your body looks like (although I suspect you have nothing to be embarrassed about) it’s about the passion you feel for one another that makes sex wonderful. Too, if Akio really loves you and is a good guy, he won’t care about or even notice anything about your body that you might find less than perfect.
In summary, no, I don’t think that Skyping naked with Grey Wolf will do you any good (for another thing, you might get comfy with Grey Wolf, but that doesn’t necessarily translate into other situations). Go see Akio for the right reasons (sex should not be one of them), and if the moment is right, and Akio is the right guy, then the sex will come naturally, organically.
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