Improving Yourself Takes Baby Steps

Papabear,

I was told to take a break from a server I really like because something pretty bad happened because of irrational choices I made when I was upset.

I need to ask … how can I stop feeling scared to keep trying to be a better person? Do you have any advice on how I can easily (???) improve myself and not make those mistakes again? I thought it would be simple, but I feel there may be a catch. The guy who runs the server is very sweet and he understands that I have trouble handling my emotions. He suggested that I take a break for as long as I need to. He also told me that if the server isn’t being good for my mental health, then I should leave for the benefit of my mental health. I just want to be better. But, I’m so unsure. 

Anonymous

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Hello, furiend,

I find myself needing breaks, too, from social media such as Facebook. Such places are full of hate, trolls, and bad news that can depress and aggravate even the most sane and kind of us. So, taking a break is not a bad idea at all. Remember that these days, the media thrives on giving us bad, sensationalistic news because it boosts ratings and earns them more money. Consequently, the world looks like a horrible place when it really has both good and bad things going on.

As for improving oneself, I recently saw a neat video on this. It was about a European fellow who had all the signs of becoming a sociopath. He had no joy, no emotion, no empathy for others. If he kept on going that way, he probably would have entered a life of crime, even murder.

How did he escape? Well, unfortunately, it was NOT easy (hon, there is no such thing as easy when it comes to self-improvement, so don't even ask such a question), but it WAS doable.

What he did was take baby steps. Tiny little daily steps to slowly improve himself. He would go on walks, exercise, do small acts of kindness, meditate, enjoy a moment of beauty in nature, do something positive such as clean up his room or get a chore done. Any little, good step would help. Slowly, one percent at a time, bit by bit, his view of his world and himself began to change.

What he discovered, unbeknownst to himself because he had no psychology training, was his own form of behavior modification therapy. Instead of going directly to the brain for a magical cure that would change his way of thinking, he slowly, very slowly, changed his behavior. As his behavior reflected more and more a good attitude about life, eventually he began to HAVE that good attitude, and this, in tern, vastly improved his mental and emotional health to the point where he says his friends no longer recognize him.

This takes years. There is NO magic pill. No magical advice I can give you. You have to be dedicated to changing yourself and you have to be supremely patient with your progress. In a world where everyone expects instant gratification, this is against what most people would like to hear, but if you don't do something like this you will never change.

Hugs,
Papabear