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If It's Love, You Can Get Past the 8-Year Age Difference

1/17/2015

2 Comments

 
Papabear,

I'm a young gay male in quite the predicament.

I've always had an affinity for older men, I have to admit that, but normally it's just surface level. However, I've met this guy online that I met up recently and we connected on an unexpected level.
I will admit that I first just assumed it to be some form of casual hookup, and I'll admit we did do things, but it took a rather unexpected turn once we started actually...talking. It was riveting—his  mind was beautiful. We talked about everything from religion, to Hemmingway, to the Harlem Renaissance, to classical composers. It was so stimulating.

He was incredibly intimate with me; his body was in sync with mine; it was a magical experience, almost addicting. 

However, the problem arises from the fact that, though I do have quite strong feelings for him, he's twenty four, and I'm sixteen. I made sure that it was legal for us to engage in sexual acts where I'm from, made sure we used proper protection, but even though it's legal for us to be together, it's still difficult to come to terms with because he's still eight years older than I am.

Would you recommend that I pursue my feelings, or just dismiss them? I do feel like I could be happy with him, just the maturity gap between us, and the social stigma might be too much for either of us.

Sincerely,
Izzy

* * *

Dear Izzy,

It sounds like you are doing all the right things concerning the legality of what you have done, as well as using protection. Good for you!

Okay, there is an eight-year difference in your ages. This, of course, is a little bigger deal when one person in the relationship is still a teenager (would be even MORE significant if, say, you were 12 years old). But this isn’t an insurmountable difference. If you look ahead in years, such age gaps become less and less important. For example, my bear hubby Yogi is nine years older than I am, which is a year more than the two of you, and we certainly get along great. Another example: the other night I was watching a biography of George Takei (Sulu from the original “Star Trek”), who is married to Brad Altman, a man 17 years his junior. The intense love these two have for each other is beautiful and made me tear up a couple times.

Is an age gap a problem? It can be sometimes, especially if there are large cultural differences or health issues. The other thing that can be difficult is when family disapproves. I’m guessing that is what you are worried about. But it sounds like this is a very special guy, and if he is genuine (not deceiving you for sex, which I hope he isn’t) then it sounds like this could be the beginning of a beautiful romance. And by the time you are in your twenties, his being eight years older will hardly matter at all.

If you love him, go for it, and screw the “social stigma.”

Wishing you love!

Papabear
2 Comments
Charleston
1/17/2015 05:53:35 am

I find it to be a bit of a coincidence that this letter was written today, because I have something that might make you feel better about the fact the man you're in love with is older.

I'm not sure how big a celebrity Stephen Fry is in America, but he's a pretty big name here in the UK. He's kind of a hybrid of scientist, historian, comedian, actor, author and TV presenter.

Anyway, he's also gay (although if you ask me, that shouldn't make any bit of difference), and just today, he tied the knot with his partner 30 YEARS his junior! I don't think 8 years is anything to worry about! ;-)

Here's the link in case you're interested (http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/stephen-fry-just-tied-the-knot-and-heres-the-pic-to-prove-it/ar-AA8hLty?ocid=mailsignoutmd) , and proving it's genuine love, don't let the age gap tear you apart. You certainly sound like you're made for each other :-)

Reply
Stilghar link
2/12/2017 06:54:59 am

I know all about the age gap.

My first real relationship was with two men; the younger of the two was, at the time we first got together, exactly twice my age. (Yes, I was fully legal - and enlisted in the USAF with a foreign tour of duty behind me - at the time.) There were issues in our relationship, but they stemmed mainly from one leg of the tripod trying to be King of the Castle and the rest of us not putting up with it. And some substance abuse.

My current boyfriend is eight years my junior, and the difference in our age is not even a thing. We share many of the same tastes, but unlike my exes, respect one another's differences and we each realize that just because it's not my thing, that doesn't mean that it should not be a thing.

Real love is ageless; it sounds like you and this guy connect deeply, and I wish you both the best.

Reply



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