If It's Love, You Can Get Past the 8-Year Age Difference

Papabear,

I'm a young gay male in quite the predicament.

I've always had an affinity for older men, I have to admit that, but normally it's just surface level. However, I've met this guy online that I met up recently and we connected on an unexpected level.
I will admit that I first just assumed it to be some form of casual hookup, and I'll admit we did do things, but it took a rather unexpected turn once we started actually...talking. It was riveting—his  mind was beautiful. We talked about everything from religion, to Hemmingway, to the Harlem Renaissance, to classical composers. It was so stimulating.

He was incredibly intimate with me; his body was in sync with mine; it was a magical experience, almost addicting. 

However, the problem arises from the fact that, though I do have quite strong feelings for him, he's twenty four, and I'm sixteen. I made sure that it was legal for us to engage in sexual acts where I'm from, made sure we used proper protection, but even though it's legal for us to be together, it's still difficult to come to terms with because he's still eight years older than I am.

Would you recommend that I pursue my feelings, or just dismiss them? I do feel like I could be happy with him, just the maturity gap between us, and the social stigma might be too much for either of us.

Sincerely,
Izzy

* * *

Dear Izzy,

It sounds like you are doing all the right things concerning the legality of what you have done, as well as using protection. Good for you!

Okay, there is an eight-year difference in your ages. This, of course, is a little bigger deal when one person in the relationship is still a teenager (would be even MORE significant if, say, you were 12 years old). But this isn’t an insurmountable difference. If you look ahead in years, such age gaps become less and less important. For example, my bear hubby Yogi is nine years older than I am, which is a year more than the two of you, and we certainly get along great. Another example: the other night I was watching a biography of George Takei (Sulu from the original “Star Trek”), who is married to Brad Altman, a man 17 years his junior. The intense love these two have for each other is beautiful and made me tear up a couple times.

Is an age gap a problem? It can be sometimes, especially if there are large cultural differences or health issues. The other thing that can be difficult is when family disapproves. I’m guessing that is what you are worried about. But it sounds like this is a very special guy, and if he is genuine (not deceiving you for sex, which I hope he isn’t) then it sounds like this could be the beginning of a beautiful romance. And by the time you are in your twenties, his being eight years older will hardly matter at all.

If you love him, go for it, and screw the “social stigma.”

Wishing you love!

Papabear