I have a question regarding my husband. I have been active in the furry fandom since I was a teenager. In truth I sought it out because the idea of creating characters and seeing them come to life interested me. I've always loved animals and so when I found anthros something just clicked. I like to draw them and create new species or cross breeds all the time. I have a strange love for the art aspect behind it.
However, my husband is unsupportive. Every time he finds me drawing one he loudly exclaims "Eew gross." Or sighs deeply and leaves the room. I've tried talking about it to him, because this is just part of who I am. I have a tattoo of a wolf girl on my ribs. It's not like I ever tried hiding this aspect from him. However, whenever I bring up the subject and ask for just a little artistic support it turns into an argument. Usually this leaves me feeling hurt. I can't get any kind of feedback from him that isn't negative.
How do I approach the subject in a manner that let's him know that all I want is a little positive reinforcement for my art? I already feel like I'm not good enough as it is. I question whether or not I should even be going to art school for this. I just need a little push that says I can do it. That says I have potential. I don't want someone to lie to me, but I want someone to be there when I need the feedback. Someone to tell me... “I think you should shorten the arms on that one or I think the eyes should be a little bigger or even the shading isn't quite right it should be darker here.” I have tried everything thus far. I have tried asking him not to look at the content and to just look at the art, but he still seems to get agitated. Part of me knows it's because of an experience that he witnessed with another furry.
I feel like he judges me based on her extreme case. She did some not very moral things and I feel like he associates all furries with that kind of thing simply because he met a bad egg. I know he knows I'm not a bad egg, otherwise he wouldn't have married me. It's just sometimes I find he can be difficult and I feel a little hopeless.
Can you help?
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My first reaction is to say shame on your husband. A central part of being a good spouse is to be supportive of the one you supposedly love. You have shown him that your art is not about anything immoral; you have talked to him (so, it’s not like this is a communication problem on your part), and I’m sure he realizes by now you are hurting because of his lack of support. I’m sure, too, that you have shown him that there is a lot of furry art out there that is decent and G-rated.
Because I do not know your husband or his background, it is hard to say what is happening here, but I can suggest some possibilities:
1) He thinks he’s being funny, when he actually isn’t. Does he ever make inappropriate comments about things other than furry art? His insensitivity could be a character flaw on his part.
2) How would you describe your relationship in other ways besides the argument about your art? Is he generally unsupportive? Does he dismiss other things you do in life? Is he one of those people who thinks he is right about everything? Could just be that your husband is an ass, plain and simple.
3) He might just be stupid, and, even after you have explained repeatedly what your art is about, he doesn’t get it and draws conclusions based on the one bad experience you said he witnessed. Might sound harsh on my part, but it’s another possibility. Sadly, you can’t fix stupid.
4) It could be that he is actually attracted to furry porn, and this makes him extremely uncomfortable and so he lashes out at it, even in it’s more benign forms, in order to distance himself from what he feels is a socially unacceptable attraction. You see this phenomenon in other situations in life, such as cases of politicians or coaches or the clergy saying they hate gay people or pedophiles, only to later be discovered with their hand under the bathroom stall or “teaching a child proper hygiene in the shower.”
Being a furry and a furry artist is part of who you are, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. If your husband rejects something in you that is at the very core of your being, then I would suggest you seek some marriage counseling from a professional. It makes Papabear wonder why he married you if he is so offended by what you do, and also why you agreed to marry him when you knew you were a furry and that he didn’t like furry art, unless that came after the marriage?
The two of you have a serious couples problem that will take much more advice than Papabear can offer in an online column.
You should not have to give up who you are for the sake of your marriage, and you will not be comfortable in your marriage until your husband accepts you for you.
Please do some research on marriage counselors in your area and try to meet with them with your husband in tow. Here’s a link that can help you get started: http://www.goodtherapy.org/marriage-counseling.html.
In the meantime, if your husband is falling down on the job you can seek out the support of your furry community. There are a lot of art sites out there where people talk about their art and offer some feedback, like http://furry4life.org/group/artisticfurs and https://www.facebook.com/groups/2210952911.
6/29/2013 08:57:21 am
I think I'd ask him directly with the question "Why is it you can't talk about your constant objections to my art?".
Hmn, Well I'm not sure what kind of art they're drawing, but this is a big problem.
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