How Should He Decide between a Mate and a Master?

Papabear,

First off, I'm Fenny. I'm a sixteen year old gay fennec fox, and my grandparents whom I live with have no idea about any of the following. My mom however, knows I have a boyfriend. Of note is that both my master and my mate are both long distance.

I've been in a relationship for just over 11 months now, and I recently ran into some issues with my mate. I've also had a master for about three years now, and that's what caused the problem. I love my mate and I'm loyal to my master, but they're both fighting over me and, not to sound dramatic, but I feel like it's killing me inside. Both of them expect me to go with them and both have discussed life plans with me on multiple occasions. I don't want to lose either of them, but I'm scared I'm going to lose both of them. My master and mate are both equally important to me, and every time I try to get them to talk rationally they start fighting. Everyone I turn to either insults me for getting into this situation, ignoring me, or giving just generally bad advice and I'm finding myself unable to sleep until late morning from stress. It's wrecking my life and sending all of my other relationships into death spirals. I don't know what to do anymore, and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep my "mask of happiness" on. Help me, please? If there's any other information you'd like about the situation, please don't hesitate to ask.

Fenny

* * *

Hi, Fenny,

Okay, two things here I can remark on that I hope will help. 1) no matter how much you or anyone else might protest to the contrary, a purely long-distance relationship is not in any shape or form the same as a one-on-one relationship where you are physically seeing the other person—at least dating or, better, living together. The question is: can you at least visit your mate and your master, spends some time with them in the same room? It makes a world of difference actually being together with someone when you can experience first-hand what being with them is really like. You might discover some things you don’t like about them that you couldn’t get from an online “relationship,” such as maybe they are sloppy, or bad with money, or are actually harder to get along with in some other way than online. This would go a long way in helping you decide.

2) While I have never had a master, it is my understanding that a “master” is not the same as a “mate.” A master is someone to whom you are a pet; this can have a sexual component to it, but often does not. In these relationships, of course, one person is very dominant, and the other is submissive to the master’s needs. A good master is always kind to his pet, but he (or she) is still the one in charge. While there may be a lot of affection involved, it usually is not of a brand that I would call romantic love.

With a mate, there is a loving relationship and both partners are on an equal footing. No one tells the other what to do, and instead there is mutual cooperation and a fair (ideally) distribution of both work and emotional care.

If it were me and I had to make a choice, I would choose a relationship with a mate over that of a master because a matehood is more of a soul-binding relationship, while a master-pet relationship is much more uneven.

Do you have to lose the master to keep the mate? Not necessarily. Depends on your mate. If you and your mate manage to live together and form a strong bond in which there is no risk of damaging egos or aggravating insecurities, then you could still keep your master in your life just as you might a good friend.

Another thing, though, is, if you manage the live-with experience and discover you actually like being with your master more than your mate, your master could actually morph into a mate who is also a master.

In the end, you do have to come to some kind of decision. So, as outlined above, make it an informed decision. Find out from real-life experience what it might be like to actually live with one or the other. The reason you can’t decide is you don’t have enough information.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Papabear