His Friend's Porn Addiction and Alcoholism Are Leading Him Away from His Faith

Hi Papabear,

I have a friend who sparked my interest in Furries in the first place, and much of the credit to who I am now goes to him. We were very good friends and eventually became long distance friends but emailed often up until I started college three years ago, when our letters became more sparse. I now live in Minnesota, close enough to visit him now though. Just recently Mr. Orca I'll call him, had just told me something that has both shattered me, and causes me to worry about him. Mr. Orca revealed that he had stopped believing in God, and on further inquiry I had found Mr. Orca a porn and alcohol addict, starting from about before I left for college. He had fought them for years until he gave in. The way he talks it feels like he knows that God is still true, but he doesn't want to face it because of who he is now. I was shattered as it was faith which largely brought us together as friends in the first place, and now I worry I won't see him make it to heaven. I'm also super depressed. I can't draw or write. I can hardly eat for these past two weeks. I can't stand the thought of loosing a friend forever. It's like he's still here, I can tell his heart is still good, but when I talk to him, it's a different orca. I need help getting myself back to normal, and I need advice to help my friend. He had joy and meaning before all of this, now he's caught up in pleasure and is unhappy all the time. He never seems happy like he used to be. I want to help him rekindle his faith again and walk out on these addictions, because I want him to be happy too, but I also know it is something he has to do for himself, I can ask, but not force him. I have already told him how I feel, and we agreed to continue as friends. Please help us. I don't know what to do besides pray. He may have changed, but Orca is still my friend, and I want him back.

J.D. Grimes the Otter

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Hi, JD,

Could you tell me more about your friend? Under what circumstances did he start using drugs and alcohol? Does he have a troubled past? Is he or are you seeking therapy? As a religious person, have you sought out the advice of your pastor and, perhaps, how you can get your friend back to God?

Papabear

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My friend was once a strong example of faith and restraint. Orca got me interested in furry art and characters years ago and he encouraged me to draw and write. I enjoyed it so I chose to continue. That was about nine years ago. He never told me he was having struggles with furry porn. In fact I did to, but I got over it after much diligence and the thought of my friend. We both never knew about each others struggles until now. Orca said started with the porn three years ago but I don't know when the alcohol started but it came after the porn. I hope he is not using any other drugs, but he might. His problem seems to be related to escapism of some sort, wanting to be his fursona more than anything else in life. He struggled with his problems and stopped coming to church. I'm in a different congregation but of the same sect, so I had no idea he stopped going either. We kept in contact this whole time and I feel guilty I never told him of my struggles because perhaps things would be different now, or I could have helped him. The last straw for him was running into a group which smashed his intellectual conviction that God exists. 

As far as I know he never sought help or therapy and he doesn't want it right now. I feel like he said he stopped believing because he doesn't want to face the guilt, but I can tell he still hurts. He jokes about it but it's like he grimaces over what he's done. I forgive him already, but he's running away from God at the very moment he should be praying if he is real and for help. He has moments of pleasure, but no joy or lasting happiness anymore. It hurts to see him like this or that he will choose not to get to heaven. 

My support has been my pastor and a few other choice friends. He told me to find moments where it would be appropriate to tell my friend that God loves him. I'm trying, but I think I need to do more, I'm just lost.

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Hi, JD,

Your friend is displaying classic signs of addiction—in this case, porn addiction, and perhaps alcoholism. Because of his (and your) backgrounds in Faith, I can't think of a better organization than Alcoholics Anonymous for his alcohol problem, and there is a complementary organization called Sexaholics Anonymous for his sex addiction. As you might know, these organizations, while they don't put religion up front and in your face, are grounded in Christianity. You can use the websites to find meetings near you. Also, I noticed that SA helps not only with in-person meetings but also meetings via email and VoIP, which might make it a little easier for him.

I know he's resistant to treatment. Getting him to agree will take a lot of patience on your part. This page offers tips.

Talk more with your pastor to explore ways you can continue to encourage him to seek therapy. The above are good options for you, too, since you seem stressed about this, as well. Offering to be Orca's companion in this journey can help him a lot. If you go through it together, you can support each other, and call each other when you have weak moments.

Hope that helps!

Papabear