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Her Mate Wants to Have a Master

3/9/2016

3 Comments

 
Hello,

I'm having a bit trouble figuring out what I should do. I have never been in a situation like this before so it would be helpful to hear what others think.

Situation:

My mate and I have been going out for about 6 months now. A couple weeks ago someone(male) asked him to be a pet and he agreed. The same person asked me as well and I agreed. Now, I'm not really into the master/pet thing, I just wanted to try it out. Probably because I was really scared of loosing my mate. Right now I'm still having reservations about it. I'm the type who can give myself only to one person at a time. 

He actually only lives about 2 hours away so we can meet him in person and master does want to do "those things" with us. My mate is sorta curious about getting done in the backside. Which by itself is no issue to me, but he wants to try it with master and if he likes it . . . he was wondering if I'd be ok with them doing that on the side. My mate did what he could to reassure me that nothing would change with us, that I would always come first, and there is no way he'd leave me for master. Especially since my mate is straight and master has a fiancé. I really don't like/want my mate to do this, but I want him to be happy. He said it's fine if I say "no", but I still really don't wanna ruin his fun and happiness even if it means I have to be hurting a bit from it. I tried doing a "pros and cons list", also thinking it might help to meet master first (which I will be next weekend), and possibly my mate might not like getting in the backside as well as get tired of this whole thing at some point. I just don't anymore. So if someone can tell me what they think and help give me something else to think about . . . it would be extremely helpful. Please feel free to ask me for more specifically details if you need them.

Thanks so much!

Anonymous (age 26)
 
* * *
 
Dear Furiend,
 
It’s nice that you are being open minded about this, but there are a few things here you might want to think about. First of all, if your mate decides he enjoys receiving guests at the back door, then he can’t really say he’s entirely straight. Secondly, my understanding of furry master/pet relationships is that the healthy ones are not about sex. Most master/pet relationships in the fandom are about a more father/son or mother/daughter or teacher/apprentice dynamic. There are many greymuzzles (or not even greymuzzles but simply more experienced and wiser furs who could still be in their twenties) who have big hearts and like to mentor young furs who need guidance. Those who wish to be pets are looking for a parent figure—either because they have no parents or because they have poor relationships with their parents. That’s why when I hear what you are describing, I am more inclined to call it a master/sex slave relationship. This is not necessarily a bad thing, because, despite the terminology, there can be a mutual respect here in which neither party is trying to hurt the other one but, rather, they get a sexual high out of this type of role playing.
 
So, first of all, recognize what your mate is proposing for what it really is. If you were comfortable with that, though, you would not be writing Papabear, would you? I’m sorry to say that by the time I got to your letter, you probably have already met this “master,” so perhaps you can write back and let me know how it went. I understand, too, how you might agree to be this master’s sex toy, but doing so out of fear of losing your mate is not the best of reasons. If you aren’t doing it because you enjoy it, then you shouldn’t do it.
 
I will praise both you and your mate for having open communication about this rather than his going off on the sly and having sex with master. Good for him! Good for you for not immediately dismissing it and for being willing to entertain the possibilities here! It might be that, after meeting this master and having a bit of fun and experimentation, you could decide it’s okay and even enjoyable. On the other paw, if you try it and decide it’s not for you, and your mate decides he loves it and wants to continue it, then you will need to reevaluate your relationship and decide if the two of you are as compatible as you thought.
 
As with Schrödinger’s Cat, the only way you will find out for sure is if you open the box. I’m very proud of you for being brave enough to do this, but do not forget that your feelings matter, too, and should be respected for the relationship to work.
 
Hugs,
Papabear
3 Comments
Fur who asked this advice
3/13/2016 02:44:18 pm

Hello,
I'm the fur who asked you for advice on this. Somehow your email disappeared from my inbox and I've checked all the other boxes in my email and it could not be found,
sorry about responding here.

Status:
My mate is mainly straight with a bi-curious side. He's the type to try anything at least once since no one ever really knows what they like or dislike. He ended up deciding he doesn't want to do anything with master, but would much rather prefer doing it to himself or when I get a strap-on...having me do him.
The master is only a couple years older than me and mainly wants more of a deep friendship sorta thing. He's there to listen to our worries and help us through the rough times and vice-versa, but does prefer a little something on the side. I have met him and he is an ok guy, we get along ok. For the most part I've gotten used to it, but still not totally on-board...trying to figure that out right now. I do like the fact it gives me another person to talk to, I just don't like the other aspect. I've already experimented with master and don't really like doing it with him. I'm going to talk to my mate about it some more. Just so he truly know how I feel about it all.
In terms of our compatability, we are mainly spot on. The only real difference we have is our sexual libidos, the amount of sex we want or can handle. I'm planning on talking to him about this and maybe try to work out a good balance for the both of us. Also I do want to point out that I was the first person he's done anything with. So he doesn't really have much sexual experience. Even though I've done it once before him, I'm not that much more experienced either. So both of us are still in the beginner stages, so-to-speak. We do also have a bunch of the same fetishes or interests, it's only the master/pet thing that's different. So I do feel like it's a bit unfair to say we're not as compatible as I thought we were. But I didn't give you much detail on how we are together so it's even I guess. Haha! :3

He does completely respect me and I completely respect him as well. If I decide to back out it wouldn't be a problem. I'm 100% sure he'd support me and understand. He wants me to be happy and I want him to be happy too.
If you would like me to keep you posted, just let me know. :3
Thank you so very much for listening to me. It made me feel a lot better and think through things in my head.

Reply
Papabear
3/13/2016 05:14:51 pm

It sounds like you really have a good head on your shoulders and are doing all the right things. I think you two just have a little glitch here, but it certainly doesn't sound insurmountable and I hope you can work it out and find much love and happiness together!

Reply
Fur who asked this advice
3/18/2016 05:48:21 pm

Thank you very much. I really love him a lot and wanna make this work, I'm sure he wants the same. Yeah, we have a little glitch. Truthfully no relationship is happy and perfect all the time. It's rare for everyone to be completely the same, everyone is different.
I wanna thank you very much for listening to me. Even though I have a few people I can talk to, they wouldn't really understand. It was great having someone to talk to, who does. If I have any other concerns in the future, I know who to go too. Thank you very much.




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