Howdie bear friend!
I'm so dearly in love with our fandom and my enthusiasm after over a year has not really ever faded.
But my emotional condition has varied as I want to go to meets and fursuit events so badly but just don't have one red cent to spend after bills and food. I had gone to some a while back and there are friends and others I can get a ride from on rare occasions so I know how to get to some meets and events but there is always a need for money, even mass transit with a discount. My budget says “no.” Plus I find that especially without a handler / hearing ear person to help me out I can get upset easily from misunderstandings and so on so I'm reluctant to go as well. Sorry for the long explanation.
My problem is I'm so very happy and proud to be a furry when I watch the videos on YouTube and all the other stuff yet it also can be dearly painful that I'm stuck at home so much just like so many furries and cannot get out to have fun too.
I was so jealous of seeing other furries having fun and that I wasn't having fun, so I put my paw down and made my fursuits so I could have fun too. I didn't know what a rare and precious thing it was and how few get to fursuit or have fursuits. And that it is infrequent and difficult to get to fursuit let alone have the same fun.
I so dearly love our fandom but the best way to handle it would be to stop watching so many great videos about us and to become jaded and not so interested so therefore I'm not so emotionally invested in the concept and the fandom. I dearly love all furries!
I have few friends but without money and my best friend barely able to get around himself, etc. I don't have much emotional support or relief outside of some low level amount from online friendships.
And I don't ever want to become jaded one dang bit! I love the fandom and it's worth the pain. But it is a lot of pain.
I need to get out so very much. I need to fursuit in public as it's so much fun but the local city police told me I'm not allowed to fursuit at the park and so forth with what's stopping me. I'm afraid to go out these days. Yet fursuiting was the incentive to get out and do things. To get exercise or go to the park.
My energy levels as much from depression as anything are very low so it's difficult to get myself to do much of anything. Like calling park commissioners to deal with the police problems at the parks. And I'm very busy from so many things I have to do in all sorts of things like trying to get decent hearing aids though I won't be able to use them much like when fursuiting.
So how am I going to deal with all this? What more than I have and had learned how to deal with emotional difficulties that I can do? I'm trying but so very close to giving up. So very close but so "obsessed" with our fandom that fortunately I won't ever truly give up though I try to keep the fursuits in storage since it's wear and tear wearing them as well as there is almost nothing I can do in the cramped house in fursuit anyway (long story).
It's just so painful and so difficult and so lonely.
And a whole heck of a lot of other furries feel the same way too (depending on circumstances).
--Excelsior the Lion
* * *
[FYI to Papabear’s readers, I know Excelsior and have chatted with him online a number of times, though we have never met IRL.]
There are a couple of issues here that need addressing: 1) your hearing impairment; 2) your lack of money preventing you from easy travel; 3) the cops telling you that you can’t fursuit in a park; 4) your intense frustration over not being able to socialize with furries.
Let’s address #3 first. There is no California law that says it is illegal for you to wear a fursuit in a public place such as a park. If there were, then I couldn’t have done this at a park in Riverside:
Therefore, these cops are denying you your rights. Contacting the park commissioner will, as you found out, not yield results because they are the ones who probably contacted the police in the first place. If I were you, I would look up a pro bono lawyer and explain to them that the cops are denying you your rights; not only that, but you are deaf and they are harassing a person with a handicap. At the same time, contact your local newspaper and give them the details of the story of how the police are making a deaf man’s life miserable when all he wants to do is harmlessly fursuit in the park. Any news director is going to eat that story up, believe me (I’m married to a former news director).
Okay, so that’s dealing with local derpy public officials; now on to the furry community. Just to make sure bases are covered, I’m assuming you contacted Hearing Services of Antioch, which is your area service for the deaf at 4045 Lone Tree Way, Suite D, Antioch, CA 94531, phone 925.778.3298. But if you haven’t, or haven’t done so in a long time, you should really contact them and pick their brains on ways to improve your daily life with your hearing impairment.
As for money, well, many of us struggle with that, the obvious solution being to make more money, but sadly Papabear can’t help you there.
Okay, so that is #1, 2, and 3, now to #4: meetups with furries. I’m sure you’re aware that the Bay Area Furries Meetup Group is based in Danville, which is less than a 30 minute drive from your home. I’m hoping you have some connections there? Someone who could occasionally drive you?
If not, you know you COULD organize a furmeet at your own home. Bring the furries to YOU, since you can’t go TO THEM. Make sense? You can have a party and have people bring a dish and drinks and hang out, play games, watch movies, whatever you like. (Oh, and another option, though not quite as good, but pretty darn close, is to get involved in SecondLife, where there are tons of furries and places to hang out with them.)
So, the lesson here is twofold: 1) don’t let the police and county officials push you around when you are legally in the right, and 2) there is ALWAYS a way to get around roadblocks if you have the will and creativity to do so.
Good luck, Excelsior,
P.S. If anyone reading this column lives in the San Francisco area and has more tips for Excelsior, please comment below. Thanks!
8/28/2013 01:23:55 pm
I am going to have to disagree with your advice on contacting news media and how police are harrassing a person with a disability. This is just abusing and taking advantage of peoples gullibility and making the Deaf and persons with disabilities look bad. Obviously the cops did not know he was deaf when they approached him so it had nothing to do with the the reason the cops were wanting to discuss something with him.
8/29/2013 03:13:29 am
Hi, Southpaw, and thanks for your comments. I'm not so sure about the police "not knowing he was deaf." Excelsior has been around that park a lot and I would think the police would by now know who he is and about his disability. I agree with you that the lion could use some counseling, and he actually has sought it out. I heard from him again quite recently, and his funds for counseling have temporarily run out, though I'm sure he will get some more government assistance soon. About the media--I think you're overreacting, but it's not surprising as you are close friends with Kage who is notably quite paranoid about the media, but that's okay, I understand your fears. Finally, I appreciate your extending your paw to Excelsior. I'd love for the two of you to connect and take you up on your offer. I can tell Excelsior feels very alone on this and he would benefit greatly from a community of like-challenged people as a support group!
Leave a Reply.
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.