This is the first time I've written a letter to a advice columnist before so I hope it comes out correctly. As of July 5th I have been engaged to be married to a Wonderful Fur. The problem is, because of the laws in the state where we live, we can't get married here. The state doesn't even recognize gay marriages done in other states; there is a lawsuit going on against the state for violating our rights and they say there won't be a decision until 2015.
What should I do?
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Hello, Fellow Bear!
Well, you could wait until next year. So far, every state in the Union in which there has been a court challenge against anti-gay-marriage laws has seen those laws reversed by federal courts for being unconstitutional. There’s a good bet that this will also happen in your state.
There’s also a lot to be said for not rushing into marriage. How long have you known each other before you got engaged this month? Have you tried living together? Living together can be a BIG eye opener. The point being, it’s already 2014, and 2015 is not that far off, so why rush it?
If you really can’t stand waiting any longer, you could always travel to a state where gay marriage is legal, but then the marriage won’t be recognized in your state until that state gets its collective head out of its arse. You could also travel to a country like the Netherlands, Denmark, France, Norway, Argentina, Brazil, and many others, and get married there, but that would be a bit much.
Striking down the Defense of Marriage Act in 2013, the U.S. Supreme Court found that it was unconstitutional to prevent same-sex couples from marrying. Thus, it is only a matter of time and the legal process in each state to go forward before it is legal everywhere in America (Oh, the horror for conservatives everywhere! Watch out, right-wingers! We’re coming to destroy the institution of marriage! You know, like Britney Spears did).
Anyway, I’m pretty confident same-sex marriage will become legal in your state, as well, and, since it is already almost August 2014, I would say, just chill out a bit, enjoy the time you are engaged, and take this time to carefully plan out a nice wedding and honeymoon.
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