Dear Papa Bear,
I'm not sure where to start with this letter. My birthday is coming up in less than a week, and it will be my 21st birthday. My parents are taking me to Vegas for the occasion, and I was hoping to bring along a friend, someone around my age. I had planned on bringing my girlfriend of a year and ten months. I had let her know about the trip back in February, and it was understood that she wasn't sure if she'd be able to make it or not. Back in October, I asked her if she could come to Vegas and Midwest Fur Fest this year. She said she couldn't make it to MFF, so I said "Well you have to at least come to Vegas, We haven't seen each other in a year." (Last time we were together was at last year's MFF.) She responded saying that she didn't "have" to do anything, I wasn't the boss of her. This ended with a large fight where we took a two-week "break."
We started talking again, but things were very strained. I could feel her drifting away. So I kept trying to ask her to set aside some time so we could talk and hang out since, with finals and trying to find a job, she was very stressed and busy. I just couldn’t seem to get her to set aside some time. Finally, with only two weeks until the Vegas trip, I got her to respond to a text so I flat-out asked her. She responded that she had no desire what-so-ever to go to Vegas.
In an effort to keep this short-ish, I'll just say that she's showing no interest in anything couple-related. I'm slowly coming to terms with the realization that things are going to be ending soon.. But I'm in that stage where you're looking for any last threads of hope. Is there anything I can do to keep the relationship afloat? What can I do to keep our friendship if the relationship can't be salvaged? Should I hold some hope for possibly getting together again in the future? I know these are multiple questions, so if only one can be answered. What can I do to avoid losing her as my friend?
I'll answer any questions you have for details I may have missed and such.
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Oh, dear, when any relationship gets to this point, it’s pretty clear where it is going. You and I both know it, and I think you just wrote to me to see whether or not I would confirm your suspicions.
Since your time at MFF, she has backed out of seeing you again, she has become irritable when you tried to insist she go to Vegas, and you ended up fighting when you pressured her. Two things going on here: 1) the problems with that ol’ pain in the butt, the long-distance relationship, and 2) she is super stressed with school and her job search, which are her priorities right now.
The best thing you can do is back off. Contacting her repeatedly will just drive her away. Asking her to go on a trip with her will do that, too. Another option would be for you to go see her, but that would also cause her undue stress at this time.
This is the time when you put the relationship on pause. Let her focus on school and work. After those things ease up a bit, she will either contact you again, or not. You cannot force a relationship to happen, nor can you make someone love you. Contact her just one more time and tell her that you are not going to bug her for a while, but that you are always there for her if she needs to talk to someone. Then, let her make the next move.
Find someone else to party with in Vegas. While there, celebrate YOUR birthday and having fun. Don’t worry about her because that will just ruin your parents’ very cool gift to you. She’ll be fine, and so will you.
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