Dear Papa Bear,
I had suspected my good friend of being interested in the furry fandom for a few years. Turned out he was but was too “embarrassed,” afraid of rejection or being teased while in high school. It is great that he acknowledges that he is interested in it, but I’m afraid knowing someone he has been friends with for along time he might go over the top announcing it to the world or really “bedroom” conversation I'm not going to be interested in. Question is, “How can I guide him from being over the top with too much furry pride at one time to his friends and family or tell him to calm down if he is not ready to tell others?” I went through this and it was a rough emotional roller coaster, and I feel I can only be there for him because I feel it is not my place to tell him what to do when the fandom is about being unique and expressing yourself.
Kim the pancham (age 23)
* * *
Hi, Kim,
What do you mean, exactly, by "going over the top"? And why do you think that your friend, who was silent on the matter in high school, would suddenly be outrageously overt about his furriness?
Papabear
* * *
I've seen it before with others and people I know and myself where if you feel comfy enough with peers you feel that everyone will accept you like your friends do when that's not the case.
* * *
Kim,
I would think that if he was nervous about being publicly furry before he wouldn’t suddenly do a 180 and be outrageously over the top with his furriness. Just because you and some others did that doesn’t necessarily mean he will.
It would likely be sufficient for you, as his friend, to express your concerns to him, relate your own experiences, and let him make his own decisions from there. Assuming he is an adult, like you, he is old enough to live his own life and make his own decisions. Be a friend, be there for him, share what has happened to you, and then relax and don’t worry about it. You’re not responsible for other people’s lives.
Hugs,
Papabear
I had suspected my good friend of being interested in the furry fandom for a few years. Turned out he was but was too “embarrassed,” afraid of rejection or being teased while in high school. It is great that he acknowledges that he is interested in it, but I’m afraid knowing someone he has been friends with for along time he might go over the top announcing it to the world or really “bedroom” conversation I'm not going to be interested in. Question is, “How can I guide him from being over the top with too much furry pride at one time to his friends and family or tell him to calm down if he is not ready to tell others?” I went through this and it was a rough emotional roller coaster, and I feel I can only be there for him because I feel it is not my place to tell him what to do when the fandom is about being unique and expressing yourself.
Kim the pancham (age 23)
* * *
Hi, Kim,
What do you mean, exactly, by "going over the top"? And why do you think that your friend, who was silent on the matter in high school, would suddenly be outrageously overt about his furriness?
Papabear
* * *
I've seen it before with others and people I know and myself where if you feel comfy enough with peers you feel that everyone will accept you like your friends do when that's not the case.
* * *
Kim,
I would think that if he was nervous about being publicly furry before he wouldn’t suddenly do a 180 and be outrageously over the top with his furriness. Just because you and some others did that doesn’t necessarily mean he will.
It would likely be sufficient for you, as his friend, to express your concerns to him, relate your own experiences, and let him make his own decisions from there. Assuming he is an adult, like you, he is old enough to live his own life and make his own decisions. Be a friend, be there for him, share what has happened to you, and then relax and don’t worry about it. You’re not responsible for other people’s lives.
Hugs,
Papabear
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