He Feels Rejected That Artist Didn't Accept His Offer of Friendship

Hi, Papabear.

I am currently going through an issue with unrequited friendship. This all began when I started watching an art streamer back in 2011. I gradually became a regular attendee of that person's streams, but I stopped attending in March of this year. The reason for that is because, for quite some time, I wanted to be friends with that person, since we both had a couple things in common. 

4 years until now, I had not even gone close to being good friends with that person, and when I asked to add the latter on Skype, it was kindly refused, which I respected. The next few days, I apologized to the person for making him/her uncomfortable by asking to have them on Skype. One reply from that person had such hurtful words, words that gave out a very harsh truth. Within a few days, still upset, I stopped attending that art person's streams and I regrettably ended up unwatching that person on FA to avoid being reminded of the pain caused. What have I done to bring this upon me? If I made mistakes in the past, when attending the streams, couldn't they be easily fixed, along with me being fully and warmly forgiven? And from what has happened to me, what should I say to give that person peace of mind, even though we couldn't be friends?

Danny Prower (age 24)

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Dear Danny,

Sometimes in life we must learn to accept that some people do not wish to be friends with us. It could be for any number of reasons, and it would be too difficult for me to speculate accurately in this case.

After you asked the artist to Skype the first time, he “kindly” refused, as you said. The problem then became you couldn’t take “No” for an answer and, once again, asked him to Skype with you. While the artist probably acted too harshly here, it’s clear at this point you were annoying him (or her). 

Asking the artist the second time was too forward on your part. This person, whoever he or she is, obviously is not looking for groupies (probably had some bad experiences with them in the past, and you’re probably reminding them of that), or, perhaps, even friends.

Now you want to ask this person yet again to be friends? Bad idea. REALLY bad idea. Don’t do it, OK?

You probably aren’t aware of this, but you are now entering the danger zone of becoming a drama queen, and that’s something few people really enjoy being around. Don’t take the rejection so personally, hon. I know, that’s hard to do, but the reality of it is probably that the artist really has no interest in making new friends and/or doesn’t think you have much in common and/or just feels you are going to bug him/her about art.

I’m not saying this is a good thing for the artist to do, and I am not justifying the artist’s actions. When it comes to a professional level (a level often not achieved by many furry artists, many of whom have a lot of talent but little business sense, in my experience), the proper way for this person to respond would be this (are you reading this, commissioning furry artists?):

“Thank you for your offer of friendship. I really appreciate that you enjoy my work! I would like to invite you to join my email list [insert link here] or follow me on Facebook [or some such social media site of choice], so that you can get the latest about where I will be to sign art and how you can get commissions done. Thanks again for being a fan!”

That’s how this artist should have approached it (unless, of course, she or he was truly interested in being friends; in which case, that would be a no-brainer as to how to proceed). In this way, the artist doesn't "reject" you, doesn't lose you as a possible customer, and yet doesn't get too friendly with you and keeps you at arm's reach.

As for you, you need to not take this personally. Imagine, for example, if you saw that J. K. Rowling was having an online chat, and you popped in and demanded to be her Skype buddy. Would you think it out of line if she told you “No, thank you”? Of course not. Same thing here. Now, this artist is no Rowling, but it’s still overly insistent of you to push a friendship like that.

Stop dwelling on this and learn to take “No” for an answer without being oversensitive about it. I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there who would be happy to be your friend, so why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn’t?

Friendly Bear Hugs,

Papabear