He Feels He Is Being Punished for His Mate's Cheating Ways

Dear Papabear,

I'm afraid my life has been turned upside down.

Me and my girlfriend were a happy couple of furries. It was love at first sight and we immediately felt happy about each other. We were together 10 years, and when we were old enough we had sex. We grew into a happy couple; sadly, though, the relationship came to an unexpected ending.

My girlfriend, who is a husky in the furry world, went to a furmeet (I couldn't go because of other commitments) and she met a guy as a fox. They got on really well, and when I did meet him we became best friends. We got on so well.

A while ago I found "certain human stains" on her husky headpiece and suit. She denied it, even though there was evidence. I asked her if she was having a relationship and she said no.

Yesterday (nearly 4 years after I first met him) I learnt that my girlfriend had been yiffing with him at furmeets and its destroyed me and its destroyed what relationship we had. She had been having an affair with him since we had gotten together.

Sometimes when I'm away she's had him over and they would suit up and just yiff. The hardest thing was that I caught them in the act when I came home early and found them in the forbidden act on top of my bed of plushies.

I confronted her and asked her why.

The only thing she said was that "We were never together, never an item, and I never loved you."

I considered our relationship over with and the fact I'd just been played by her has just devastated me. It devastated me more for the fact that she'd had sex with him before me and her had become intimate, so I'm was extremely concerned I could have caught something off him via her. I did get myself checked and I'm clear. 

I never had an affair and I'm the one being punished.

My question, Papabear is what did I do wrong? 

Lenmar Fox (age 21)

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Hi, Lenmar,

Sorry to hear such a bitter tale. Let’s cut to the quick: you did nothing wrong. Your formal girlfriend is, well, a female dog, shall we say, and I don’t mean her fursona.

Glad you got tested and the test came out well. To be safe, test again in six months. If (gods forbid) you contracted HIV it can take up to six months to show positively in a test, just FYI. (Another reminder to use condoms, which I’m surprised if you didn’t, given the risk of impregnating her).

Back to the former girlfriend. The reason I call her a female dog is that she led you on for ten years, making you believe that she cared about you. I suppose, if she didn’t love you, she was getting something out of this, such as money or help with something. It wasn’t sex, since she got that from her other lover. She sounds like a user, and the fact that she emotionally manipulated you for so long is, in my book, inexcusable.

Perhaps, if there is something you did wrong, it might have been getting in a serious relationship at age 11 (if I have my math right, you said you were with her 10 years and you’re only 21 now). It’s easy to make mistakes when you are very young and fall in with the wrong person. But now that this is happened, there are two ways this might go: you might become very bitter, never trusting anyone again and dooming yourself to a lonely life, or you will learn from the experience and do better next time. Often, looking back at the past, you will see things now (with your current knowledge of who the femme dog really is as a person) that you didn’t realize before. Signs you didn’t pick up on (because you were trusting and in love) that now you will recognize as evidence that she wasn’t really the loving mate you thought. Take inventory of these signs and learn to see them for what they are in the future next time you get into a relationship, which, hopefully there will be one.

And don’t think of the 10 years as wasted time. If you’re smart, there is a lot you can learn from it; also, I bet you had some fun times (even if she didn’t) that you can enjoy as happy memories.

Life is a learning experience, and you just got a big lesson. Be educated and move on. Oh, and if you haven’t already, tell that fox to go yiff himself, too.

Wishing you better love in the future.

Hugs,

Papabear