Alright, so I fell in love with a fox furry and he is trying to stick to the whole typical fox characteristics of being really yiffy and wanting to yiff and have more than one mate. We dated for a year; he proposed, but then I started accusing him of cheating and found out he was but it was just online and by text and that made me more paranoid and I accused him more. He broke up with me on Thanksgiving Day, right after I went too far and told his friend that it sounded more like he had a mate and I had changed his status on an adult furry website. Now after he cooled down he said we would be on a break till the 19th. He made it sound like he really would take me back; then on the 3rd of December he decided I would be his pet. On the 4th of December he said, no, I want to be friends or nothing. Now he has agreed back to the 19th of December to rethink this. What am I to do? I really love this guy and no one understands that he was the one and only I could ever see standing next to me at the alter. I would agree to any terms he would put before to get him back. What do I do?
* * *
I wonder if you can hear yourself in this letter. He breaks up with you, he decides you’ll go on a break until the 19th, he decides you’ll be his pet, he says you’ll be friends or nothing, he agrees to go back to the 19th and think about it. Sounds like he’s calling all the shots. Where do you factor in this relationship? Well, as you said, you would bend over and do anything he wants for him to be your mate. Doesn’t sound like a good arrangement to this bear’s ears.
In a good relationship, the two partners are on an equal footing. This is built on respect for one another. I don’t see him respecting you too much, as he seems to do whatever he wants in the relationship, but I also don’t see you respecting yourself very much.
Before you worry about your relationship with this fox, you need to find your self-respect. In other words, stop being a door mat. No relationship is worth losing your sense of self-worth. Once that is firmly established, you will be able to have a healthy relationship with someone. As things stand currently, that is not possible.
Put the fox aside for now, hon, and work on yourself.
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.