Girl Is Threatening Lovers

Dear Papabear,

I'm in dire need of help right now...but it's something that's quite out of my hands.

A little over a month ago, I started seeing a girl who I've known almost 5 years now. We got along very well, we understand each other and I can say we're happy in our relationship. Although our relationship is very, very discreet. Only through texts and chats online, sometimes we meet in the mall on weekends.

But there's a problem - we have a mutual friend, let's call her "Gina" for now. Gina, the girl and I have been friends for a long time, about 3 years. We are part of a circle of friends with other boys and girls.

I don't see Gina often anymore after high school, but the last time I saw her I helped her finish a school project and we were still very warm towards each other.

The problem is, Gina is very possessive. After our circle of friends saw each other less and less after high school, we rarely knew much about what was going on with each other.

Last night, I received a warning from the girl, saying to stay away from Gina the next time I see her. And I asked why...apparently, Gina had given me a death threat after finding out I was seeing the girl. Gina told the girl, not me. And Gina also threatened to harm the girl as well.

The girl told me to stay out of it, to keep it from getting any worse, and I know I should, I trust her too.

Having known Gina a while, I don't know what to think - why the sudden hostility?

So I went around to the girl's social sites, and I saw that Gina had more than once tried to win the girl's affections of the months where our communications were blurred; Gina asked if she could "live for her." The girl would decline and tell Gina that she just wants to be friends.

Now I'm worried. The girl said she would talk to Gina, but after the threat of harm and death, I'm getting paranoid.

Can you help me understand what Gina is feeling? What should I do, Papabear? Who should I tell and who do I run to? And how do I protect the girl from Gina as well? How can this be ended?

--Jon

* * *

Dear Jon,

If I’m to take all of this at face value, it sounds like Gina is in love with your girlfriend, and when she found out that you and she were in a relationship, she decided to threaten both of you in a fit of jealousy.

Do you have any reason to believe that her threats are anything more than just words?  Doesn’t sound like they are to Papabear. First of all, I would suggest that you talk with your girlfriend. Since this is a threat to both of you, it should be addressed by both of you in unison, not just by her. Talk to her and see if she can tell you anything more about what Gina said to her. You and your girlfriend are in a relationship and the two of you should address this “threat” as a team. My guess is that if Gina sees you standing up to her in a united front, she will back down.

Obviously, neither you nor your girlfriend should be friends with someone like Gina. After you face her down, break off any friendship you had with her. She’s bad news, as they say.

If things escalate and there seems to be a very real, physical threat, then it is time to call in the authorities. I sincerely doubt that will be the case, but then, I don’t know this Gina. You seem surprised that she would make this threat, so it sounds uncharacteristic. Again, my guess is that it comes out of being hurt and there really is no punch behind it.

Get together with your girlfriend; confront Gina, and end this ridiculous situation. The situation is not “out of your hands.” You are involved in it up to your eyebrows and you need to do your part to resolve it.

Good luck!

Papabear