Getting Caught in the Middle of Two Arguing Friends

Dear Papabear,

I hate to be a pest, but I got another issue here I need advice about. I'll try and keep this as short as possible.

Essentially, I have two friends in the fandom. When I went to my first convention in 2017, they were best friends with one another, practically inseparable. Then later that year, after a bad experience at another convention, and increasing tensions between one friend and the others partner, they now hate each other. That was some 7 months ago, and they're still not on good terms.

I wasn't there to witness what happened for myself and only got info through IM, so I refuse to judge either party and rather keep both as friends. Granted, one of them I only became friends with because the other one was their friend once upon a time, so we were never that close to begin with. Even so, he's never done any harm to me, and nor has my closer friend for that matter.

Well this year, I'm going to be attending the same convention I went to last year, and as I think you can probably guess, both of them are going to be there. They pretty much refuse to talk to one another, but I have spoken to both of them about each other and begged them to not get into any confrontations. The one not as close to me insists he won't, but the other gave me answers that I honestly didn't find to be that clear. As best as I can figure, his answer is essentially "it depends".

For one thing, if they do fight, I may end up feeling forced into choosing one over the other, which I seriously don't want to do (albeit I think it's fairly obvious the one closer to me would be the one most likely to stick). I was in a similar situation once before nearly a decade ago. I was friends with A, then friends with B, then A and B were friends, then A and B fell out, then I was only friends with B, and before I knew it, I was friends with nobody. I might as well have been friends with zero. It's hard enough for me to make friends to begin with; I don't know how many more I can lose!

The other thing is that this I don't attend multiple conventions a year. I'm crossing an ocean to see these guys, among other furs, and have used much of my hard-earned savings to do so. I do not want my one convention of the year to be ruined with them two having an altercation. Good grief, last time, one of them gave me their soda to look after for a short time, and once I'd lost it, I moped for the rest of the day about it. He told me to stop worrying about it because, as he said "it's just a soda", but it was fruitless. I still worried, like I always do.

What can I do to be sure that they don't end up fighting one another? Not just for my sakes, but for the both of them, too. I don't care who "started it" and I'd rather things be the way they were before, but the chances of them being able to "kiss and make up" are slim to nil.

Honestly, I feel like I'm starring in a really bad melodrama!

Cheers,
Anonymous

* * *

Hi, Furiend,

Furry drama—or drama of any sort involving anyone—is usually cheap, petty, and involves misunderstandings. Let's start with misunderstanding. Currently, you are operating in the dark. You don't know what started their argument at all. So, if I were you, I would ask each of them what happened first.  After hearing their stories, it will likely be a lot easier for you to, if needs be, pick a side. I mean, it could be that one of these guys is being a total douchebag and it will be easy to pick.  On the other hand, it could be the result of a total misunderstanding or a completely minor situation blown out of proportion.  If one of these lesser offenses is the case, you could very well act as an intermediary and show them the error of their ways, which might, in turn, result in a reconciliation. But you can't do any of that unless you know the facts so get those first.

With luck, things will turn out all right. But there is also the chance that one or both of them is being a drama queen and will refuse to recant or relent. In that case, you can try just being a friend on an individual basis. If they try to make you pick sides, just tell them you prefer to remain neutral as their argument is between them. If that still doesn't satisfy them, then either pick the person you feel is the most likable or back away from both people; your choice. Just don't allow them to manipulate you into a fight that is not your battle.

Hugs,
Papabear

P.S. Don't sweat the small stuff like losing a soda. No biggie.