I never thought that I would be writing you a second time, but I seriously don't know what to do.
A few months ago, I got into an altercation with my ex, which escalated until I was forced to leave our local furry group (it was either me take myself out or it come to physical blows with him). But now I want to come back, the only problem is, the furs in the group, my "friends" wont talk to me anymore. I've sent several messages to several people but no one responds and the furs I do talk to have been talking to me less and less. I want to have fun, but I feel if I go anywhere, they would leave. So, my question is this:
Did I do something wrong for them to hate me?
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Although I am sorry you have to write to me about another problem, Papabear is flattered you are asking him again and hoping that the first situation you had (readers, see http://www.askpapabear.com/1/post/2012/07/after-10-bad-relationships-furry-is-reluctant-to-trust-in-new-love.html) has been resolved satisfactorily.
Papabear doesn’t know what all went on exactly between you and this group of furries before, so I can’t know if you did “something wrong” to them, but let’s assume it was nothing and it was all just between you and your ex. Now I am also guessing that your ex still belongs to this group that you wish to rejoin. A couple things could be happening here, then: 1) while you were away, your ex said all sorts of nasty things about you in your absence to these other furries, thus poisoning their minds with his viewpoint of the break up and how it was all your fault, or 2) if your ex is still there, the other furries are not too anxious to have a broken-up couple in their midst because it could possibly blow up again and cause a lot of unwanted drama within the group.
None of this can be resolved unless they are willing to communicate with you, which they appear unwilling to do. If you wish to keep trying, one strategy would be to find a moderator, a go-between to link you up with these furries. It would have to be someone both sides are cool with and who is, in turn, objective and willing to help. A person like that is pretty damn rare, sorry to say.
Another thing you can try is to make friends with your ex. That is to say, not get back with him, but talk to him and say, “Hey, we had our differences and I’m sorry for what happened, but it would be nice if we could be friends again and just hang out with the rest of our buddies.” Try to bury the hatchet, and if you can do that, ask your ex to talk to those in the local group and see if they will let you back in with a promise that there will be no drama because all the bitterness has been put behind you.
If you can’t talk to the others and everyone remains stubborn and close-minded, then, sadly, there is nothing more to be done, except hope that you live in a community where there are other furries besides these people with whom you can make friends and start over.
Not the best of news, perhaps, but I hope it gives you some perspective on the problem, Ingavar.
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