Furry Thinks Abuse = Love

Dear Papa Bear,

Recently I've been feeling the weight of everything in the past and present weighing down onto my shoulders and it's really doing a toll on my health. I've been loosing unnatural amounts of weight though I eat properly, sleep is out of the question, and my overall health is low. I'm hoping you can help me get over some of these hurdles.

First off, I'm tired of being grown up. Back when I was a cub around the age of three my mother moved me into a very small apartment with my father. He would beat my mother and commit other abuses to me. I remember being forced to sleep in bodily fluids, being used as a maid, and being starved for days at times. But, honestly, I don't mind that part. I mind the fact that at the age of seven I had to myself move my mother and me out of the apartment and take care of her myself. The other part that bothers me is that I'm still acting as the parent to this day.

In elementary school along with being stalked by my father I was cruely teased for acting more like an animal than a human, and for the weird way I walked. The bullies followed me into middle school where I was ridiculed for being Jewish, bisexual, and a furry. To this day I'm still extremely insecure with being myself.

High school was where I met my first heart break, my molester, and lots and LOTS of fake friends. But I really expected all of it from the school.

Currently, and this is where I need the most advice, I am dating a guy with mental issues. He has anger, control, and communication issues. Now, I am perfectly fine looking past it and working with him to overcome these issues but recently he has become extremely cruel to me (not meaning to, of course.) and I find it harder and harder to remember that he does have a disability. I love him and I know he loves me but every night it seems we find something to argue about. I was thinking maybe sitting down with him face to face to discuss my feelings and his but he's always busy with his different jobs and family matters. I'm not sure what to do.

Everything listed above, no matter how fine I was with it happening at the time, has really begun to drag me into the depths of depression and self loathing. It seems no matter where I look no one can help me. My mothers a lard child, my boyfriend is to busy, and my friends, well, the ones that care just simply don't have enough power on their own.

Papa Bear, I'm at a loss. I want to look up to bright sky's, enjoy the rest of the youth I have, and to feel like I'm purely loved but I'm finding it harder and harder to do each day. I simply don't know what to do.

Hoping you can help,
Bradley

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Dear Bradley,

You grew up in an abusive family environment and now are dating an abusive boyfriend. This is a common psychological phenomenon. You do this because you have grown up to believe that abuse = love. Hence, you "don't mind" that your current boyfriend is an abuser because you equate this with love and might actually find this attractive. And don't make excuses for him because he has "issues." That is no excuse for him to abuse you.

You will not find happiness in your life, Bradley, until you remove the abusive people from your life. There are several organizations you can look into and contact about domestic abuse, including:

• www.safehorizon.org
• www.FutureWithoutViolence.org
• The National Domestic Violence hotline at www.thehotline.org
• The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women at dahmh.org

and many others.

It is time for you to find happiness, Bradley, and that means escaping the environment of violence you are in. 

Please get yourself some help soon, hon.

Hugs,

Papabear