Hello Papa Bear.
A little while ago I decided to leave my home, friends, and family to live with two furs, who wanted me to be a part of their love and make it a 3-way relationship. Now I have been hurt many times before--badly, too--to the point I once tried to kill myself. But I knew they were different. However, a few weeks ago they decided that they wanted to keep their relationship private. I love them both and gave up everything for them. It took all my power not to beat the crap out of them. I was so hurt. I hated them because of it. I want to be the third wheel that everyone sees last, but I am now, again. They think of me last and I’m tired of them saying they care and love me only when I ask or just to make me feel better. I feel alone and sad. And no matter what, they will never get what I’m going though. They said one day maybe it could happen, but they always leave me in the dust. So how can it? They said they would always love and be there, but they, like all the other people in my life, lied. I really want to be with them, but I get so angry at them, too. What should I do?
King
* * *
Hi, King,
You have the right to be angry. You gave up a lot for them and they abandoned you, and now they are leading you on with vague, lame promises and continue to treat you like an afterthought. When love is one-sided it will not work. You can wish for their love back, but unless it is given freely you will be out of luck, as you are in this case.
What should you do? You should leave. If you can, go back to your family. Be a man and admit you made a bad mistake and ask them if they will take you back after you’ve learned your lesson.
You’re entitled to make mistakes; your mistake was making a bad judgment call about the character of these two people (“I knew they were different”). The shame would be not learning from this experience (you didn't learn from it the first time, either, so this is another strike), and clinging to them would be the epitome of not learning your lesson. If you are wise you will recognize that they are not worthy of your time or your love.
Do not consider this a tragedy, though; consider it a chance to learn about people, to learn about yourself, and to gain some self-respect that you deserve better treatment from others.
Papabear
A little while ago I decided to leave my home, friends, and family to live with two furs, who wanted me to be a part of their love and make it a 3-way relationship. Now I have been hurt many times before--badly, too--to the point I once tried to kill myself. But I knew they were different. However, a few weeks ago they decided that they wanted to keep their relationship private. I love them both and gave up everything for them. It took all my power not to beat the crap out of them. I was so hurt. I hated them because of it. I want to be the third wheel that everyone sees last, but I am now, again. They think of me last and I’m tired of them saying they care and love me only when I ask or just to make me feel better. I feel alone and sad. And no matter what, they will never get what I’m going though. They said one day maybe it could happen, but they always leave me in the dust. So how can it? They said they would always love and be there, but they, like all the other people in my life, lied. I really want to be with them, but I get so angry at them, too. What should I do?
King
* * *
Hi, King,
You have the right to be angry. You gave up a lot for them and they abandoned you, and now they are leading you on with vague, lame promises and continue to treat you like an afterthought. When love is one-sided it will not work. You can wish for their love back, but unless it is given freely you will be out of luck, as you are in this case.
What should you do? You should leave. If you can, go back to your family. Be a man and admit you made a bad mistake and ask them if they will take you back after you’ve learned your lesson.
You’re entitled to make mistakes; your mistake was making a bad judgment call about the character of these two people (“I knew they were different”). The shame would be not learning from this experience (you didn't learn from it the first time, either, so this is another strike), and clinging to them would be the epitome of not learning your lesson. If you are wise you will recognize that they are not worthy of your time or your love.
Do not consider this a tragedy, though; consider it a chance to learn about people, to learn about yourself, and to gain some self-respect that you deserve better treatment from others.
Papabear
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