Hi Papabear, Greetings from Brazil! :D
My question is if it's worth to try a homosexual relationship and risk to lose my family love or at least not going to be like before, just for knowing me better?
(I going to tell you just a little something about me, just to you understand me, I hope you don't worry :x)
From the beginning, I am very thoughtful before take any decision, and I see all things that involves to nothing go wrong, harm others and not make mistakes (I know no one can live a life without do mistakes, but I try to avoid them as much as I can), and I am a perfectionist, I never had much friends, just a few and real good friends, most of the part I am antisocial, shy, I was always was trying to be funny at all time just to see one smile and make me happy :D, and never had much experiences in my life and I am beginning to be more open to them (Think less and do more I suppose). I've never been attracted to a woman or to man. I never kiss or a girl or boy. I'm starting to think I'm going crazy thinking so much about my sexuality and what I want in my life.
I grew up with my parents always fighting, my father always beat my mother real bad, and arrived at a point my mother gathered the courage to ask for a divorce (I was 13), finally she'll never have to suffer at his hands again (I live with her and my two sisters), he has to pay child support to me and my sisters but he paid only one year, he was forced to pay up until we reach 18 years, but he fled to avoid paying more and I never had contact with him again, so I begin my adolescence (14 years) without a father, now literally(when I lived with him was as if I was not his son, so much so that he said to my mom that he wanted a DNA Test), within my 14 years until my 18 I have spent more attracted to men than women, I wonder sometimes for lack of a presence of a father and I live with just my mom and my sisters, I may have been more influenced in some way by them having a more feminine, like this was going to me with the years, I always see them with boyfriends, hugging, kissing, leaving home to have fun at parties, I do not know. What I believe is that all this can be only psychological and spend, can not be?
I think my parents is going to accept that, but not very well because no one in my family is homosexual neither bisexual, I will be a disappointment to my family as they themselves have said(in a moment of jest, but seriously saying), I love my grandparents, uncles, cousins from part of mother, from part of my father I lost contact with them also, I fear they going to make the talk harsh every time, look at me with a face disappointment and sadness(90% sure) and at worst lose touch with them too, without telling my friends that possibly lose it.
I don't even want to imagine lose all of this just for confirm what I feel and try it. It's too much. If I try and like and lose my family love, not try and continues normally or try and lose my family love and see that this is not what I want and lose all?!
P.S: Sorry if I wrote wrong, I hope you can understand what I wrote, you are the best! XD
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I believe you are the first Brazilian to write Papabear. Thanks for your letter :-3 Your English is a lot better than my Portuguese, and I believe I understand what you are asking me, so no worries there.
I believe what you are experiencing has more to do with the lack of a strong father figure in your life than with your necessarily being gay. You might or might not be gay, but what is more likely is that you are simply sexually confused because you don’t have a strong role model in your life.
(Before I continue, a note to readers: I am not saying here that children raised by two fathers or two mothers cannot be socially well adjusted—heck, there are some women out there who make better male role models than men; what I will be talking about is statistical evidence of the negative impact on boys—especially heterosexual boys—without strong father figures in their lives.)
Studies have shown that boys who grow up without fathers (or with bad father figures) in their lives are more prone to drug use, do less well in school, are more likely to get into trouble with the law, have a harder time feeling like they belong anywhere, and are more confused about their sexuality, sometimes acting out in inappropriate, even harmful ways.
Therefore, before you worry about deciding where you stand on your sexuality, what you desperately need is a strong male role model in your life. I would suggest that you find someone like that with whom you can spend good quality time; someone who can help you learn to be a man, which is something your mother and sisters are not going to be able to do. This can be an uncle, or a grandfather, or perhaps a teacher, a coach, or an employer. You need a strong, older man in your life because your wife-beating, son-denying, hateful father was not a real man.
Once you find someone like that, spend as much time as you can with him, whether it is working a job, or learning something, or doing something recreational. You need this in your life.
Concentrate on this relationship, and don’t worry so much, for now, about your sexuality. You clearly don’t really know what your sexuality is at this point, so don’t try to “come out” to your family about being gay when you might not actually be gay.
I hope you can find someone like this in your life. Write again soon and let me know how you’re doing.
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