Furry Is Depressed Because Plans to Leave Home Didn't Work Out

I'm not sure how to start this, but let me see what I can do. Lately I've been feeling really down, mostly because of parents, whether it be my own or others. What I mean by that is, I had plans to move out and with a friend in like August, but his father refuses to let him live on his own. As for my parents, the best way I would describe them would be "control-freaks." No matter what I do, whether "secretly" or not, they always have to know what I am doing. And also lately, one of them said they want me to work more because the other parent's job has been going downhill lately. Which makes it sound like they plan on using MY hard earned money. I still plan on moving out, just to a different place now and with a different friend. I will admit that I have gone down the "road" of suicide once, and once I didn't do it, I told myself I would not do it again. Lately however, With the amount of depression lately, mostly from that move plan not working out, I feel like I could snap at any second. So my question is, what should I do to make sure I can "Stay in one piece"? 

Thanks in advance,
Kumi

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Dear Kumi,

Well, first of all, I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you and your friend. There could be a reason his father doesn’t want his son to live alone or even with a roommate, but lack of information prevents my speculation on this part, so let’s move on to your parents. Kumi, they may seem like “control freaks” but good parents want to know what their children are up to, and when you try to do things “secretly” and they find out about it, they then have reason to believe you are not being honest with them and that makes them pry into your life even more. The reason parents do this is not to make your life a living hell; it is because they care about you and don’t want something bad to happen to you. (When you should be worried is when your parents don't give a damn what you're doing--then there's a problem). If you want to have a better relationship with your parents, then be 100% open with them about what you are up to, what you are thinking, and how you are feeling. Good parents care about all of that and are there to help you.

Helping each other doesn’t just go from parent to child, but also from child to parent (shocker!)

ALL members of a family—true, functioning families—love and support and try to help each other. So, now one of your parents is having trouble with work and is earning less, and you feel resentful that they are asking you to work more to help out. You feel it is “MY ... money.” Well, considering that it costs $235,000 to raise a child to 18 in the United States today, on average, and that is NOT counting college, perhaps you might want to repay the favor a little bit?

None of what you have written in your letter is all that horrible, Kumi, and I think you need to take a deep breath and gain a little perspective. No one close to you has died or is gravely ill, you are not horribly sick or disabled, you do not have abusive parents, you have not lost the love of your life, you are not homeless, you have food to eat and clothes to wear.

I will not make light of your depression, however. If you are truly feeling depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, you need to talk to someone about it. You might, for example, have a treatable medical condition that could be alleviated with prescriptions, but you would need to see a psychiatrist to determine that. If you don’t feel like you can go to your parents with this, then you need to find someone else. There are many suicide hotlines out there, and there are also groups like Boys’ Town (www.boystown.com) that help troubled youth such as yourself. You might do well to seek them out.

Just because your plans of moving out didn’t work is no reason to literally kill yourself. That is the very definition of an overreaction. Calm down, and if you can't calm down, then get some help, hon. There’s no shame in getting help. I’ve done it and many other people have, too, with positive results.

Good luck. Please write again and let me know how things go with you.

Hugs,

Papabear