Furry Is Climbing into a Hole of Depression

Hey Papa Bear, I’m writing to you again since it’s been awhile since I asked for advice... [Papabear notes: please see his previous letter].

So I took your advice and told my mate. It didn't go over very well. He flipped out because apparently his last boyfriend was a furry and he screwed him over emotionally. I tried to explain that I’m not his ex, but he wouldn't hear any of it. He stormed out of the room and I haven't seen or heard from him again. That was five months ago. Soon after my parents relationship got worse due to my drunkard father. I don't even consider him my father at all, so I’m just going to call him john (not his real name) from now on. So john went off the deep end with his alcoholism and started being extremely emotionally and verbally abusive to the rest of my family, while becoming physically abusive to me. It got bad enough that my mom told him that if he didn't get help that she was going to divorce him, so he agreed to do so. He then chose some incredibly expensive mental institution out of state and insisted that he go there. So to do that we had to sell our house and move in with our grandparents. Luckily I get to live in the house by myself till the house sells, but I’ll get back to that. So anyways, we spend $50,000 sending him there and he then promptly gets kicked out for breaking the rules. Now were in debt and have to sell the house to pay it off. Luckily for me I’ve moved out like I said before. After the house sells, I have a room waiting for me at a friend’s house that I get really cheap rent on. But now I don’t know what to do. I feel so trapped, I wasn’t ready to move out on my own, but I knew that if I spent one more day around john I was going to do something drastic. And on top of that, I think I’m becoming depressed. I don’t talk to my friends anymore, and I don’t feel a desire to anymore. All I do is sleep, eat, work, pay bills, play video games, repeat. And now my mom’s all telling me "son, I worry for you, you can tell me anything. You know that right?" and it makes me want to come out to her so badly but I know she's just referring to my funked out state. My friends are all getting offended cuz' I don’t return their calls, and I just don’t care anymore. And Papa Bear, that scares me. I used to be known for my loving kindness and my loyalty to my friends, but now I just don’t care anymore, and I can’t seem to make myself care. Recently though I've met a local AB/DL Furry that has been talking to me. I hope that finally meeting my first AB/DL Furry in person can draw me out of this funk. If not, I don't know what else to do. 

Please help me out here Papa Bear, I don't know who else to talk to. :(

Kale Snowtale

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Hi, Kale,

Papabear is saddened that your boyfriend took the news of your being a furry so badly. However, now you know that you could not be yourself around him, and if you can’t be 100% who you are around the one you love, then you need to find another mate. It is a hard lesson to learn. I have told my mate many things about myself that I have been unable to tell others, including my mother and my former spouse. It is that I am able to do this that I know he is the one for me and has repeatedly told me that he would never leave me no matter what. I believe him. I hope you find someone like that in your life.

Okay, deep breath. As for your father being, well, unstable, there is not much you can do about that. My question about the mental hospital incident would be this: he obviously didn’t spend much time there, so can’t you get some of that $50,000 back? Doesn’t seem right that they should keep all the money. Obviously it’s too late now, but the papers you signed when admitting him should have been looked at very carefully. Well, you can still look them over now, actually, and see what it says about a possibility for any refunds.  Be that as it may, you are not legally responsible for all that money, but your parents are.

So, that drama forced you out on your own before you were ready for it; sorry to hear that. And I can certainly understand why that would make you depressed. One of the things depressed people often do is shut out their friends and family. Now that you are on your own, you shouldn’t have to fear as much coming out to your mother since she can’t kick you out of the house. Of course, you want to maintain a happy relationship with your mother. She might actually surprise you by accepting you as you are and genuinely wanting to help. However, since that didn’t go at all well with your boyfriend, I can see why you would want to be cautious about that. Perhaps, for now, it is better not to tell her. You can certainly talk to her about the stress your father has caused both of you, however, and try to support each other with that crisis.

Now is not the time to shut down from your friends. It is very easy to fall into that hole and not crawl out of it, and it is a dangerous hole. You need to start interacting with people again. Think of it kind of like exercise. When you haven’t been exercising in a long time, it is really hard to start jogging or biking or lifting weights again. But if you begin a little at a time, you can start getting in the habit of exercise. Same with your friends. You don’t have to jump immediately back into the friendly socialite you once were, but try this: beginning now, try making just one phone call to a friend, even for a couple minutes. Do that once a day. Then, try and go do something with one or more friends this weekend, even if you don’t think you want to. Go to a movie or just grab some cheese fries with them. Something small. I think that, once you make yourself interact with them again, you will find you still like it. Also, of course, this AB/DL friend of yours could be a key to getting you out of your funk. It is always easier to be sociable with people who share your interests and beliefs. I hope that goes well.

I think, actually, you have found the solution yourself with this AB/DL fellow. I would pursue that, if I were you, and hope it goes well.

Hugs,

Papabear