My wife found out about my interests in the furry lifestyle. She doesn't believe that it is normal or okay. I am struggling to live my life genuinely but I do not want to lose my family. I cannot bear the judgement Margie unleashes upon me. How do I balance being a Furry Loving Family man? I am afraid my children Gilbert and Marge will abandon my heart the way their mother has if they find out. Also I have alopecia. And the furry community is the only thing that has made me feel loved and normal. More than my own family has. How do I live freely when my heart is chained between my work suit and my fursuit?
FoxyGrandpaMalcom (age 43, French Polynesia)
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Dear Foxy Grandpa Malcolm,
I am unfamiliar with life in French Polynesia, but I'm going to guess it is rather a conservative place? Also, I imagine it can be quite isolating, being a conglomeration of over 100 islands. Is there even much of a furry community anywhere around there? Much of your furry activity is likely limited to online activity, n'est-ce pas? Nevertheless, you have connected with the fandom community, and I'm glad to hear you have found acceptance with us.
How this affects your family depends considerably on whether you are a deep-seated lifestyler, a casual hobbyist, or somewhere in between. Obviously, if you insist on wearing your fursuit around the home and assume your fursona personality a lot, it is going to impact what your family sees and what they think about you. On the other side of the coin, if you just casually surf the Internet, play some games and chat with furries, and keep fursuiting activities (if any) limited to furmeets or furcons (if you attend such), it really shouldn't impact them at all.
Based on your extremely short missive, it sounds like you lean toward the lifestyler side, however. As a family man in his 40s, yeah, that's going to affect things. You do not with to deny who you are, but you surely don't want to lose your family. First of all, if your family somehow abandons you just because you're a furry, then, well, they aren't much of a family, sorry to say. But let's try to be a bit more sympathetic to them and view things through the eyes of mundanes who struggle to understand why someone would want to be a furry.
My main advice to you is to be considerate of your family's emotions. Don't spring everything on them at once, but slowly ease them into the idea so that they have time to become comfortable with it. Do things little by little. If you like to fursuit, start by doing it rarely and maybe (if you have them) with furiends of yours at a meet or something. Don't fill the house with furry art and plushies and such. Just add things in tiny drops, little by little. When you feel they are comfortable with one thing, then add another. You see?
In summary, it is important to be yourself, but in order to integrate that into your family life you need to be considerate and sympathetic of their feelings as well.
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