Furry Feels Repeatedly Rejected

Dear Papa Bear,

I have an issue with believing and trusting others with what they tell me. I don’t know if its me being so gullible or foolish. I want to believe those that seem so genuine. do you believe them and hold them to what they say even after a year or do you just give up and let go? I have felt so many things for those that have done this sort of thing to me. but to feel I have to constantly remind some one of what was agreed upon long ago, makes me feel like a nag. but then it upsets me that they cant remember what was said. for once it would be nice if they would remember and have "THAT WANT" to do and not feel like they have to do just because to get them to shut up and leave them alone. I’m really at a loss as to how to handle it. I feel when I speak my mind they feel it to be swat or a lash out at them. I gave up on that, you cant get any one to respond to hostilities. I don’t react to them well. 

So what would you do?

Honestly feeling left out to dry, 

Coony

* * *

Hi, Coony,

Speaking as someone who has sometimes had to renege on a promise, even a promise he wanted badly to keep, I would say that, in my case, it happens because circumstances or life changes interfere with my plans. Things that I wanted to do or had full intention of doing sometimes get left by the wayside because other things have come up. For instance, in my case, my partner got a serious foot infection and was in the hospital for two weeks and then needed home care for two more months. This put a kink in a lot of things, including his birthday party.

Sometimes, yes, people make false promises they have no intentions of keeping. Other times, however, people just aren’t able to keep those promises, or they have to delay them for a considerable amount of time. As a businessman (putting social settings aside for a moment) I deal with this a lot. People often promise to do things for me, or return calls or set up meetings, etc., and then I don’t hear from them. In one recent case, I finally called a business client, who then apologized and explained that her husband had had a serious fall and she simply forgot about our online meeting.

If you contact someone about an appointment and they give you a reasonable excuse and a heart-felt apology, you should accept that and move on without bringing it up again incessantly. On the other hand, if you figure out that people are just putting you off because they don’t honestly want to see you, then take that as a hint they don’t want to see you and find other people to hang out with (or, in the case of business, look for a new client). Obsessing about such things will just give you indigestion and heartburn and make you feel like crap. Posting about it constantly on social media sites will also lead people to perceive that you are a whiner, which is a big turn off for many people.

As someone who has been turned down a lot (e.g., 100 rejection letters for my first novel), I can understand the pain of feeling rejected. Usually—and many people don’t get this—the rejection is more a reflection on the laziness/selfishness/stupidity of the rejecter, rather than the rejectee. Since I’ve met you personally, I can say that this is the case for you. You are a very nice person, and it is the person who breaks a date with you who is the cad, not you.

[And, note to readers—yeah, actually, this is, in part, about me not keeping a promise with Coony to visit him. Nope, I certainly am not perfect myself—far from it. Indeed, I’m a very very flawed bear, but I always do apologize when I get things wrong, especially if I hurt someone’s feelings. Sorry, Coony.]

Hugs,

Papabear