Ask Papabear: The First Advice Column for Furries!
  • Home
  • Letters
  • Write Me
  • Disclaimer
  • Good Furry Award
    • Nomination Form
    • Lifetime Achievement Award
    • 2023 Nominees
    • 2022 Winners and Nominees
    • 2021 Wiinners
    • 2020 Winners
    • 2019 Winners
    • Good Furry Theme Song
  • Advertise
  • About
  • Gifts
  • Testimonials
  • Fan Art
  • Resources
  • Ask Papabear
  • Home
  • Letters
  • Write Me
  • Disclaimer
  • Good Furry Award
    • Nomination Form
    • Lifetime Achievement Award
    • 2023 Nominees
    • 2022 Winners and Nominees
    • 2021 Wiinners
    • 2020 Winners
    • 2019 Winners
    • Good Furry Theme Song
  • Advertise
  • About
  • Gifts
  • Testimonials
  • Fan Art
  • Resources
  • Ask Papabear

Furry Feels Guilty for Telling His Friend He Loves Him

8/10/2013

3 Comments

 
Dear Papabear,

Thank you so much for creating this column for those who need it; it's very kind and thoughtful ^^

I'm new to this community (came out this summer to some friends, not to parents yet. I'm a bi furry with a male preference) and I have some friends who’ve helped me accept and love who I am; my problem is that I've fallen for one of them. 

We've talked (and skyped) for about two months and he is my type (taller, a little chubbier, nice and we share the same interests) but I've told him I love him to which I feel like I've rushed our friendship; he says that it's his fault that he makes me feel that way. We apologized to each other and continue talking but I feel like it's my fault because I might be lonely and want companionship, is it my fault? 

Thank you for your time and have a nice day ^^

-Conri Neon

* * *

Dear Conri,

Never apologize for loving someone. Even if that love is not returned, to love another soul is to taste the divine.

To hate someone, or treat him or her cruelly, now THAT is something to apologize for.

Nor should your friend apologize for making you feel that way. He should feel flattered that he inspires such emotion in you and be grateful for it.

If he does not feel exactly as you do—or as intensely—it seems from your brief letter that he wishes to remain friends. And friendship, as Papabear has said before, is not to be taken lightly. There are many kinds of friends in the world: passing friends, chummy friends, beer-drinking-companion friends, and there are also dear friends.

The Greeks categorized love as falling into one of four categories: eros, agape, philia, and storge. Not to go too deeply into it, but eros refers to that physical, passionate love, the kind leading to sex; agape is a deep spiritual love, as might be experienced between two people who have been married for many years and, incredibly in this day and age, still love each other; philia refers to good friends (dear friends, as I called it above) who have a nonsexual affection for each other; and storge can be thought of in terms of family love (simply put).

Your friend might have backed off a bit because he was not interested in an eros kind of love, but the other types of love, or combinations of them, could still very well be available to you.

Now that you have established that your friendship should not have an erotic component, and you have defined the parameters, you should both feel free to further explore your friendship. Loneliness is not only assuaged by the love of a mate, but also the love of good friends, and lucky is that person who has to use more than one hand to count all his dear friends.

So, Papabear now wags his chubby finger at you and admonishes, “Stop all this apologizing and feeling guilty nonsense, both of you, and cherish your friendship.”

And, Conri, it is only natural to want companionship and love. You’ll find someone to love, but in the meantime, hold tight to your friends. You’ve already seen how friends can help! They helped you accept yourself for being who you are!

You are blessed to have friends. 

Be happy,

Papabear

3 Comments
Eyon link
8/14/2013 03:19:00 am

I think this happens to us all in our lives. Happened to me once, but it was elementary, and the girl I loved wasn't into queergenders. She wanted a straight male and got bitter about it once I said something to her.

The good news is, he still is talking to you, there's no bitterness, and no one has any harsh feelings. You're still talking to each other, and maybe this crush may last a little bit, or longer. Maybe he isn't your type, or you're not his. It's all possibilities, but the most important thing is that you should both be happy. As friends or as closer friends. You may never know what will happen in the future. Just don't feel pushed away or hated, because they still love you as a friend, and maybe it will grow a little deeper. Let the river flow, and don't push it because if you push something on them, you never know what bank you're going to over flow.

Reply
Conri
8/23/2013 02:00:50 pm

I guess you both are pretty right on this situation ^^; but *Sighs* I don't know, he's started school, got rid of his skype (still has a tumblr so we try to talk) Well more like I try to talk to him, I don't know if he is just busy or what but I just feel that yes I am rushing this and not letting the river flow as you suggest. Lately we haven't talk, as stated he started school in which I start in about a week, but now I just feel like we are drifting apart; which then makes me feel like I'm a big huge overly attached leech. So right now its difficult for me to just let nature takes it course, which should be a pretty darn easy job...does this even prove that I'm not ready for a relationship? It could be why I've sort of had to friendzone a couple friends of mine (both female) ugh love and crushes and friends are so confusing.......but thanks for your input here Eyon ^^

Reply
Eyon link
8/27/2013 12:09:31 pm

Maybe try to back off a little, give him space. He may have a problem with communicating that.
Maybe giving him a while and talking to him in a little to see what's up. If you don't hear from him in a long time, message him and ask if he's okay and if you're friends. Try to be there even if they seem to be ignoring you. Because maybe they just need help. He may be confused and trying to figure out if he's possibly gay or Bi either, and he's just shocked. Don't give up on a friend. Because you never know when they're going to need you.




Leave a Reply.

    Go to Papabear's Facebook page

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Addiction
    Art And Literature
    Careers
    Coming Out Furry
    Crime And The Law
    Editorial
    Family Issues
    Friends Issues
    Furry Definition
    Furry Issues (other)
    Fursonas
    Fursuiting
    Health
    Illness And Death Issues
    LGBT And Gender Issues
    Loneliness Depression Anger
    Love And Relationships
    Money
    Odd And Ends
    Politics
    Religion And Spirituality
    Roommates
    School Life
    Self Improvement
    Sexuality And Sex
    Social Networking
    Work And The Workplace

    Picture
    Picture
    An excellent article on coming out LGBT to Christian parents.
    Picture
    My Rainbow Ark is a site for and about LGBT furries and religion and how they are not incompatible.

    Picture
    A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.

Home

Letters

Write Me

Disclaimer

About

Copyright © 2012-2023