Hello Again Papabear,
I need your help. I am currently friends with two furs I know locally. These two have been childhood friends since before I moved to this town to be with my mate. The first one, who we will call the wolf, is about a twenty minute drive from where I live. The other, the bat, lives two blocks away from me, about a five minute walk. Currently these two are not on speaking terms and I am caught in the middle. Here is why.
Here recently, the bat has been living in uninhabitable conditions. Black Mold, leaking roof, and no heat have been making him and his mate sick. I offered to go with them to my landlord to see about getting them settled in an apartment in my complex. They complete moving on in Monday, November 26, 2012. But until then, they are living with me and my mate by request of my landlord.
The wolf, however, feels that because we are housing these two, we are pulling away from her and becoming more friendly with the bat than her. By no means are we pulling away from her. I have explained this to her many times, but her insecurities keep her from honestly believing me.
This drama is also bleeding over onto another site that all three of us frequent. Fur Affinity (FA). I'm sure you have heard of it. The wolf bought the bat gift art and such while they were on speaking terms. Now that they are not, she is demanding that the bat give back all the art and such so she can gain back her "Losses". The wolf is threatening to go to admins of FA and the artists that made the gift art to have the bat take it down. He has taken counter measures himself by messaging the artists as well.
TO CUT TO THE POINT!!!
I am stuck between these two who are now doing the whole "NO SHE IS MY FRIEND.... NO SHE IS MINE!!" stuff. I don't want to loose either of them as friends. I don't have many friends here as it is.
(sorry for such a long read.)
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Dear Blaze Neko,
*Deep breath.* Okay, this certainly falls into the category of “unnecessary drama.” The whole problem is entirely caused by wolf’s insecurities. You have already tried repeatedly to reassure her that you are her friend and she has nothing to worry about, but she is not buying that argument. The issue about the artwork between bat and wolf is their problem, not yours. Let them claw each other about that one, if they must. In bear’s opinion, though, wolf trying to take back the art is a very petty thing; she has no right to take back what was given, and, besides that, the argument was not about financial losses, so the gift should not come into play whatsoever.
Papabear understands that you do not wish to lose a friend. If I were you, I would go to her one more time. Explain that you have been her friend, but that she is actually driving you away by her uncalled-for actions. If you wish to go the extra mile, you might try to find out if there is something else going on in her life that is causing her to behave this way. If she at any point gives you an indication that she would like you to help her resolve her emotional issues, be there for her, but on condition she stop treating bat this way.
If she insists on being unreasonable, then, for your own sanity, I would suggest that you back away from wolf. Tell her exactly why. If she can’t be at least civil to your friend bat, then the you and wolf cannot be friends any more.
Sometimes, try as we might, we cannot keep people from being self-destructive and unfriendly. Wolf has to make a choice: will she grow up or will she insist on wallowing in her own self-pity? The answer should determine whether or not you continue your relationship with her. Don’t be so desperate for friendship that you stay friends with someone who makes you miserable. You deserve better.
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