I've written to you a number of times, and I'm sure you know I've seen my fair amount of stress in my life thus far. There is someone I have mentioned before, one of my first friends in this fandom, and one of my closest friends to date. Basically, we both went through a lot together, and she was a breath of fresh air after the long time I spent isolated socially.
But the thing is, there is another person I'm gonna refer to as "Z" who a bunch of us met a while back. Z, no offense to him, just isn't the kind of person I really like. He is a little over the top when it comes to dirty jokes, and seems like he never could take something seriously, despite the fact half a year ago I saw him be serious. But then again, half a year is a long time.
Basically the thing is, when Z popped up, my old friend started spending more time with him. And yea this isn't bad, but it caught me off guard a little. He came out of what seemed like nowhere. This isn't something that bothered me, but eventually things like her drawing endless amounts of art for him, almost flat out ignoring if the three of us are all in the same room, and straight up acting more like Z than how she did before. And although I am severely angry at my brother for snooping Z's phone he promised he wouldn't, it turned out some NSFW things had happened with roleplay between them, as well as Z and almost everyone else I knew in that friend group. It didn't help my liking toward him, but I did realize that was private and isn't something I should be concerned about or really even know. Me and my old friend had actually dated in the past, and split over a matter of sexual orientation, so I couldn't decide if this was affecting it or not as well.
It’s no surprise to me what this is: jealousy.
I have spoken to her a couple different times, and she has debunked a lot of worries I had. Like drawing a lot of art for him, his fursona is good as a template tester since it's not very complex. But for some reason it always keeps coming back to me, and I just don't know what to do.
I think part of it is she means a lot to me after everything that has happened, and I am just scared of being abandoned. I lost T.R. before (albeit in a much worse manner than this), and I still get scared of losing those close to me now.
Bottom line: what can I do to end this jealousy over my old friend and Z. It's been bothering me for months by this point.
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Friendship jealousies in the fandom are quite common and are usually tied to one’s insecurities. The first thing to be done is to acknowledge that jealousy, recognizing it for what it is, and you have done just that—good for you. Next, you need to think about why you are jealous, and you have done that as well by noting that you are afraid you will lose you will lose her like you did T.R. and you will be abandoned. A third thing to do is to talk about your feelings and fears with your friend, and you have done that, too! My goodness, you are three for three so far. Excellent.
The only thing left is to figure out where to go from here. When we form friendships, we typically find that different friends fulfill different needs in our lives and enhance us and complement us in different ways. For example, Papabear has friends in the fandom with whom he can talk about furry stuff, but he also has friends who are not furry with whom he shares other interests, such as politics, religion, outdoor activities, movies, going out to eat. None of my friends fulfills all my interests, but all of them together do.
You talk about how Z is not like you in their sense of humor and, apparently, interest in furporn. These are things that your long-time friends seems to find interesting and so they have glomped on to Z pretty hard, spending a lot of time with them. This often occurs with new friendships but usually dies down a bit after a certain amount of time. Your old friend denies preferring Z to you, and I would take them at their word for it. It is just an early fascination.
What you need to do, then, is target the things that you and your old pal have in common that you can share and that have little or nothing to do with Z. Say (just making this up) you are both into Pokémon Go and Z isn’t—then spend some time playing that together. Be the friend that fulfills interests that Z can’t or won’t.
The other thing is to diversify. Like a stock portfolio, it is unwise to invest all your emotional cash into one or two friends. That way, if one of those friend’s stock crashes (i.e., they abandon you) you’re not left all alone. I’m not saying that will happen, but it’s just wise not to lean too heavily on just one person.
Hope this helps! Good Luck!
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