I’ve never done something like this before so ill try to do this as best as I can. I have a friend whose sona name is Ekedo, although I call him Eke. He's terribly lonely and is yearning for a mate.
In a Facebook group that I monitor, people have been talking about how they've had sex and stuff and how they plowed such and such and sucked such and such. It made Eke jealous, furious even. It made his rage worse when someone that I knew blabbed about how me, him and another had our own session. He hated me dearly for that.... I tried talking to him and he told me that he had tried everything to find someone be his area to be with and have sex with. He’s still really mad at me, but I made a promise to him that I’d try my best to help him in anyway I can.
I have a bad feeling that I wont be able to keep this promise. But I don’t want to lose him. I’ve lost too many good friends. If I made any mistakes or I didn’t explain correctly, please tell me. This is my first time after all. Thank you for your help and for giving me your attention.
Nekuro Wakahiza (age 19)
* * *
Eke seems to be mad at you and other furries out of pure jealousy. That he hates you because you had sex really testifies to a severe lack of emotional maturity on his part, sad to say. You certainly should not feel guilty for having a fun sex life just because Eke lacks one, and you should not apologize for it. If Eke were a mature, self-confident individual, he would feel happy for you.
Likewise, if Eke is upset by people posting online about their sex lives, then it is easy enough for him to avoid those pages (including your—moderated?—furry page). There are lots and lots of websites, furry and not, that don’t have people on them crowing about whose parts they had in their mouths (oh, and by the way, appalling for people to brag about such things—keep it in the bedroom and keep it private, folks; boasting about your sex life is also extremely immature and offensive, and this is coming from a bear who enjoys kinky sex, so muzzle it).
Eke also seems to equate relationships purely with sex. Let’s face it, he’s horny and wants to get off. Nekuro, it is not your job to help Eke get laid. Eke needs to stop blaming others for his problems and look inside himself. I could see why others might find such a jealous and whiny person off-putting. If you wish to help him, then help him work on himself.
The best way to do this is to boost his self-confidence. Identify those qualities that Eke has that are admirable and may attract other people, and work on those. You can, if you are up for it, encourage him and be his cheerleader. Eke needs to feel more comfortable in his own skin before he goes out to share said skin with others, comprenez vous? Understood?
In short, don’t feel guilty about your sex life and don’t apologize for it; encourage Eke to visit sites and social networking pages that don’t obsess about sex; and help him work on his ego a bit.
You’re a good friend for caring, but don’t let Eke’s emotional issues drag you down.
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.