Feeling Ashamed of Being a Furry Can Be Communicated in Subtle, Unintentional Ways

Hi Papabear,

Have recently admitted to myself that I'm a furry, I have just ordered my first fursuit, told my gf that I was a furry and she totally freaked out. She hardly talks to me, plus when she does its short answers. I haven't been with her long, but why would she freak out so badly? Have sent her links about what a furry is, and it's still the same. I thought I would tell her because I don't want any secrets. I thought she would have reacted badly, but not this badly. Any words of encouragement would be good.

Regards,

Spiritpaw

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Hi, Spiritpaw,

It's a bizarre facet of the furry fandom that people feel they have to "admit" or "confess" or "come out" to being furry as if it were some horrible sin like confessing to murder or being a Republican (joke). You might not realize it, but others around you perceive and react to the most subtle of emotions, even when they are not verbally communicated. Once someone feels ashamed or guilty about something they have done, therefore, unconscious signals are released through facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and so on.

I'm not sure what your girlfriend knows of furries, but I bet you she picked up on your signals and that made her decide it was something bad. The best thing you can do, then, is NOT be ashamed or guilty of being a furry. If you consider it a fun, happy, positive hobby that is like, say, putting on period clothing to attend a Renaissance Faire, then I bet you she would see you differently as well. The problem, though, is that you have already planted the seed of shame, and it will be hard to pluck out the growing weed in her mind by its roots. 

My recommendation is to not obsess about being furry and to start enjoying activities with your girlfriend that you both like to do, and also focus some attention on her needs. Don't hide being furry, but don't make it central to your relationship, either. She must still have feelings for you or else she would have dumped you by now, so try the above and see if you can't restore a healthy relationship.

Best of Luck!
Papabear