Ask Papabear: The First Advice Column for Furries!
  • Home
  • Letters
  • Write Me
  • Disclaimer
  • Good Furry Award
    • Nomination Form
    • Lifetime Achievement Award
    • 2023 Nominees
    • 2022 Winners and Nominees
    • 2021 Wiinners
    • 2020 Winners
    • 2019 Winners
    • Good Furry Theme Song
  • Advertise
  • About
  • Gifts
  • Testimonials
  • Fan Art
  • Resources
  • Ask Papabear
  • Home
  • Letters
  • Write Me
  • Disclaimer
  • Good Furry Award
    • Nomination Form
    • Lifetime Achievement Award
    • 2023 Nominees
    • 2022 Winners and Nominees
    • 2021 Wiinners
    • 2020 Winners
    • 2019 Winners
    • Good Furry Theme Song
  • Advertise
  • About
  • Gifts
  • Testimonials
  • Fan Art
  • Resources
  • Ask Papabear

Feeling Ashamed of Being a Furry Can Be Communicated in Subtle, Unintentional Ways

4/25/2016

0 Comments

 
Hi Papabear,

Have recently admitted to myself that I'm a furry, I have just ordered my first fursuit, told my gf that I was a furry and she totally freaked out. She hardly talks to me, plus when she does its short answers. I haven't been with her long, but why would she freak out so badly? Have sent her links about what a furry is, and it's still the same. I thought I would tell her because I don't want any secrets. I thought she would have reacted badly, but not this badly. Any words of encouragement would be good.


Regards,

Spiritpaw

* * *


Hi, Spiritpaw,

It's a bizarre facet of the furry fandom that people feel they have to "admit" or "confess" or "come out" to being furry as if it were some horrible sin like confessing to murder or being a Republican (joke). You might not realize it, but others around you perceive and react to the most subtle of emotions, even when they are not verbally communicated. Once someone feels ashamed or guilty about something they have done, therefore, unconscious signals are released through facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and so on.

I'm not sure what your girlfriend knows of furries, but I bet you she picked up on your signals and that made her decide it was something bad. The best thing you can do, then, is NOT be ashamed or guilty of being a furry. If you consider it a fun, happy, positive hobby that is like, say, putting on period clothing to attend a Renaissance Faire, then I bet you she would see you differently as well. The problem, though, is that you have already planted the seed of shame, and it will be hard to pluck out the growing weed in her mind by its roots. 

My recommendation is to not obsess about being furry and to start enjoying activities with your girlfriend that you both like to do, and also focus some attention on her needs. Don't hide being furry, but don't make it central to your relationship, either. She must still have feelings for you or else she would have dumped you by now, so try the above and see if you can't restore a healthy relationship.

Best of Luck!
Papabear
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Go to Papabear's Facebook page

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Addiction
    Art And Literature
    Careers
    Coming Out Furry
    Crime And The Law
    Editorial
    Family Issues
    Friends Issues
    Furry Definition
    Furry Issues (other)
    Fursonas
    Fursuiting
    Health
    Illness And Death Issues
    LGBT And Gender Issues
    Loneliness Depression Anger
    Love And Relationships
    Money
    Odd And Ends
    Politics
    Religion And Spirituality
    Roommates
    School Life
    Self Improvement
    Sexuality And Sex
    Social Networking
    Work And The Workplace

    Picture
    Picture
    An excellent article on coming out LGBT to Christian parents.
    Picture
    My Rainbow Ark is a site for and about LGBT furries and religion and how they are not incompatible.

    Picture
    A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.

Home

Letters

Write Me

Disclaimer

About

Copyright © 2012-2023