Enough Flirting, Time for Friend to Say What He Wants

Papabear,

I'm in a bit of a predicament. There is this gay guy (I'm a gay guy too) who I've had my eye on for quite a while. He and I are great friends and have known each other for over a year, but we're long-distance friends. Now when I first met him, I thought of him as just a friend, but then I started to feel more. As our friendship went on, I could tell he was flirting with me, so I flirted back. When I finally got the courage to ask him if he liked me to, I expected a “no.”. What I received was a "I don't know." I was crushed, but I still liked him and still stayed friends with him. He did reveal to me that he was "hurt" by someone else, and I understand that, and I've tried to tell him that the flirting needs to stop, but it never does. 

I decided to make a rash decision and just cut off my connection with him for days at a time, and when I do talk to him, he just keeps bringing up how he's not emotionally attracted to men and only physically. Now I should also bring up that I'm incredibly self-conscious about my weight and have said that to him. I just get really confused cause he used to ask me strange questions such as "What kind of wedding do you want?" or "Where do you want to go for your honeymoon?" and even mentioned that me having his last name sounds nice. My question for you is, I can't take this teasing anymore, should I just cut off all connections with him and not talk to him anymore?

Cedric

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Hi, Cedric,

It would help Papabear some if you had mentioned your ages, but I will assume you are old enough to be married (or mated in spirit). Your friend is definitely sending you mixed signals. The references to weddings and such might just be an odd form of flirtation, but it is an emotionally manipulative one. 

It is time to stop the guessing game and instead sit this guy down, face-to-face, and ask him point blank what he wants. Tell him about the mixed signals he is giving (he might not be aware he is doing this) and that on one paw it sounds like he just wants to get physical (chub chaser, is he?) and on the other paw he’s hinted at more.

Ask him what he wants, and don’t stand for equivocation. Does he want more than just friendship? If yes, then work on that. If no, then tell him if he just wants to be friends that’s great but the flirting needs to stop. If he hems and haws and won’t go one way or the other no matter what you say, then, yes, time to drop him. Tell him you’re sorry, but you just are not up for a lot of emotional games. Wish him well, but tell him it is time the two of you parted company.

Communication, as always, is the key to resolving such issues.

Good luck! Hugs!

Papabear