Emotional Issues Negatively Influence This Furry's Perception of the Fandom

Dear Papabear,

I once told you my fursona problem, which kind of still hovers in the room as I am finding not a solid answer, yet to it and am still young to the fandom itself even though it has been a few years until today of joining. The bigger thing is that I suffer severe depression, am pretty anxious, lack self-confidence and often am indecisive as well. Hard I know, but it is why I am feeling the fandom locks up on me for being one who doesn't contribute enough of matter nor being much of a speaker (noted my English not being the best of course). Regardless of this it does bother me a lot.

I decided over and over what I should be with no answer to be found, trying to meet furs on FurAffinity effortless as none often answer. Kind of saddens me that the fursona would help me reflect myself and how I'd want to be in the end as much as drawing and writing from there on with him. I just lack the decision making and the confidence to work on it.

Long have I been staying strong and growing stronger, thanks to the few friends who hold me so dear. For them of the Fandom I'd like to fully take part and shape as Furry and make much more presence, just unsure how.

Regardless in Time you'll get a proper thank you for all this help.

Thank you,
Lyah (age 24)

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Dear Lyah,

It’s become a bit of a fascination for this bear that I get a lot of letters from people like you who are fretting that they don’t contribute enough to the fandom or are seen by other furries as not being involved enough. Yet there are many, many furries like you who are very shy and have trouble socializing (which is why, frankly, you don’t get a lot of response from other furries you try to contact—they are like you!), which is really one reason they become furries: they feel shy about mundane society and find a safe haven in the fandom as something set apart from it.

Another phenomenon is that many furries feel bad if they don’t have a lot of followers or friends on Facebook. My question to them—and you—is what would you rather have? A pawful of good, loyal, true friends or a massive following of fair-weather acquaintances calling themselves friends? You’re better off with 5 really good friends whom you love than 10,000 Facebook followers, trust me. So, as the goombahs say, fergetabowdit (er, pardons, that American dialect might escape a German speaker, so what I mean is be Zen, be mellow, relax, and don’t worry about things that are of no real consequence).

Another word of advice: FurAffinity is not really a good place to socialize. While you can make friends there, the main purpose of FA is to share and view art. Socializing is better done on a site such as Furry4Life or on Facebook and other more social media. You should also see if you can find some local German furries. Too, have you ever attended Eurofurence in Berlin? Best furcon in Europe and right in your neighborhood. Even if you’re not in Berlin, you are fortunate to live in a country with outstanding train transportation, unlike America.

A lot of your perceptions of the fandom are likely influenced by your emotional issues. Because you suffer from depression, anxiety, and low self-confidence, you see other furries in a more negative light than what is actually the truth. If you work on alleviating these feelings, you will, at the same time, feel better about the fandom, as well. That’s what was occurring in your previous letter http://www.askpapabear.com/letters/german-fur-having-fursona-trouble and what you still need to work on. As I often note, if you have difficulty surmounting your fears by yourself, a professional counselor may help.

Hugs,

Papabear