Electronic Relationship Is Moving Too Fast

Papabear,

So I've been seeing this guy since January and we met in October, we are an online mateship that is in the progress of moving in together, I did go and see him in March and we more than hit it off; I can honestly say that I am and fell hopelessly in love with him; I would do so much for him!

Anyway so were in the planning stages of this move and he doesn't seem to want to talk about it a lot, We had a fight over it; in which we became closer after it. Then we moved the date closer from December to this summer or ASAP. I just don't seem to know where his head is at, At first I thought I was pressing it on him and making things move to fast and then he wanted to move the date up. 

I'm very concerned because I really don't want to lose him. What should I do?

--Dominicus

* * *

Dear Dominicus,

From what Papabear understands in your letter, you have met “this guy” once in October and again in March, and all your other conversations have been online or perhaps by phone/texting. You’ve also only known this person for about seven months, yet you are planning to move in together.

Bad plan. It is waaaaaay too soon for a major move like that. Papabear thinks, too, that your potential mate is acting rather erratically because he, too, senses things are moving too fast and he is unsure about living with you, yet he changed his mind and moved the date up because he is afraid of losing YOU just as you are afraid of losing HIM.

Do yourselves both a favor and slow things down. What you need to do is spend more actual time together—you know, as in face-to-face NOT on the Internet and NOT on the phone.

In this Internet Age, Papabear is seeing more and more cases like yours. Forgive an old bear for looking old-fashioned, but you can’t have a genuine relationship in a virtual world. Oh, sure, SecondLife is cool and all, but it is still not reality. There is a world of difference between talking to someone who is miles away and actually sharing a living space with him or her. HUGE difference. 

So, Domincus, again, slow it down, and while you’re doing that, spend much much more time with your boyfriend in a world where you can touch each other, kiss each other, share a meal together as you gaze into each other’s eyes and all that romantic stuff. Remember the ancient proverb “the eyes are the windows to the soul.” You can’t get that in a digitized universe.

Good Luck and Bear Hugs,

Papabear