Don't Let Yourself Get Stuck in the Middle of Two Friends' Fight

Dear Papa Bear,

I admit, I'm not used to admitting I need help with problems, but this one is really cutting me down.... Yo because I'm really nice and caring, or try to be, and I'm a good roleplayer.. The problem is with two of my furry family members: my dad, Macintosh, and my adoptive son, Jay. (I changed their names a bit. Poorly, but I did.)  My son knew my dad before he met me, and they did something horrible to each other. My son is willing to forgive my dad for the argument he started over a misconception. But Mac is very mad at him, and he gave me an ultimatum: Choose between my son or my furry dad and brothers. This is a tough decision for me. Really tough. I need some help. Please tell me what you think....

Sincerely,
Kyoto

* * *

Hi, Kyoto,

First off, it is extremely unfair for Mac to put you in this position. He’s doing so to gain you as an ally and “win” his fight against Jay. For a “dad” he is acting very immaturely. Secondly, according to your letter, this shouldn’t even be a real issue between Mac and Jay because it is all based upon a “misconception,” not an actual wrong done by one to the other.

If Mac doesn’t already comprehend this, you should explain to him that he is angry about nothing and should calm down. If he refuses, then the wise thing to say is something along these lines: “You know I love and care about you both, Mac, but don’t put this on me. I refuse to take sides and validate your anger. If you hate Jay and then hate me for not hating Jay, then YOU are making that choice, not me. I refuse to be sucked into your misguided attempt at emotional extortion. I hope you will change your mind.”

Make this about Mac’s decision. It is not your decision.

Hugs,

Papabear