It feels like I keep coming back to you for more advice. Most others I talk to mean well, but often feel like they're encouraging impulsive decisions or furthering the dilemma unintentionally.
I also wanted to apologize for not getting back to you after the last letter, but rest assured that it's been saved for whenever I need a confidence boost.
I've recently been offered a room to rent with a stranger. Michael, a friend of mine who's a regular at my job, talked to his friend, Tyree, and managed to convince him to let me room there for considerably cheaper than my parents' house. It's also half the walking distance to the job. And the room will be healthier, both physically and mentally, and even offer more privacy than I have now (which honestly isn't much when your room is a converted side room with 5 windows, and 2 more on the one door in, which doesn't lock). I'm also assured that Tyree is very nice (obviously if he's offering me, and only me, the room for so cheap) and that he visits a girlfriend fairly often, leaving me with the house to myself.
Now I know what you're thinking. 'Well, that sounds absolutely perfect. Why NOT take it right now?'
Because I care too much about everyone else and not myself. As of right now my stepfather has the only other income, and from what I've been told, it's not enough to support the house, bills, and food. My mother's waiting on my first younger sister to have her baby before getting a job. The problem is that even after she gets a job, it may not still be enough to support this house, and there's no guarantee she'll be able to keep it, since her people skills are non-existent.
I don't want to leave my mother and second younger sister (who lives with us) without any options or place to go, etc. But I'm also turning 26 this month and feel like it's long past time for me to go and live my own life, and face my own challenges. Unfortunately, she seems to not register that I want or plan to move despite repeated attempts to discuss it. And I'm afraid to bring it up and risk anyone doing something to underhandedly keep me home. That is perhaps a pointless fear, but remains one nonetheless.
It's getting time to make up my mind, very soon. And my mind is leaning toward just moving out and hoping that everything works out alright for them. But I want to do it without making them feel like I'm giving up or abandoning them. That explains the wait for another source of income in this house, as painful as the wait is. I feel like Tyree will give up and offer the room to somebody else as well if I don't take it very soon, probably within the next two or three weeks, since it was offered a month ago now. What happens then? I won't have any choice but to stay home.
What should I do? Is this something that most others feel when they move? Is everyone forced to deal with angry parents when they move out?
Apologies again for the mountain of text, and thank you for taking the time to listen yet again.
* * *
While it is noble that you wish to help your family, I agree with you that at 25 it is time for you to get out of the house (past time, really). What you are doing is feeling like you have to carry the weight of all your family members and their bad decisions. I don't get why your mom has to wait until your sister has a baby in order to get a job, and I strongly suspect it is just an excuse to postpone job hunting. Also, I'm betting your sister made a bad decision and is now a single mom (where is the father? [and if he died, I apologize for this remark]). Your family needs to make better decisions. If they can't afford where they are living, then maybe they should move.
Also, just because you are moving out doesn't mean you are abandoning them. You can still be part of the family and be as supportive as possible. You can visit them, even help with chores and errands for your pregnant sister, if you wish.
You have a right to your own life. That doesn't make you a bad person and you should NOT feel guilty about it. Be supportive and loving of your own family, but move out and pursue your own life.
Hope that helps. Hugs,
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