Does Having a Mate Equal Happiness?

Dear Papabear,

I'm new here so I'll try my best. I've been going through some rough times in my life, and even though I have a master who cares for me immensely, I can't help but feel that longing for a mate. 

Do I need a mate to be happy?

With thanks,

~ Lyx

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Dear Lyx,

Many people are happy without mates, many people are sad with mates, many are happy with mates. My belief is that in order to be truly happy with your life, you must first be happy with yourself. If you are unhappy and believe that finding a mate will make you happy, you are wrong. Other people cannot make you happy; only you can do that for yourself. (That's something my ex taught me, actually.)

Bad reasons to look for a mate: you want children, you don’t want to be alone, you want financial stability (aka wanting a sugar daddy), you want someone to take care of you, you are old and are worried about dying alone, you are young and all your friends have mates and you feel left out.

Good reasons to have a mate: you want someone to share your life with, someone came into your life you care about.

Lyx, you are 16 years old and shouldn’t worry about having a mate (unless by mate you simply mean girl/boyfriend and not a serious, committed relationship for the rest of your life). Dating? Sure, fine, have fun dating, but let’s not get too serious too quickly. Why would you want to commit to someone at such a young age when you probably are still figuring out who you are and what you wish to be? The teen years are a time for discovering yourself, and you’ll probably find that in nearly all cases the mates your friends currently have will not be the same ones they have in a few years (or less).

Having a boy- or girlfriend to simply share good times with is great and can indeed make things more fun and enjoyable for you because you have someone to do things with, like going to the movies or an amusement park or playing games or going to a furcon. 

So I suppose, to paraphrase Bill Clinton, it depends on what your definition of mate is. Just someone to pal around with and share your teen years? Great! Talking total lifetime commitment, future engagement, marriage, kids, mortgage, retirement plans? You’re too young to worry about it and you don’t need that burden at 16 years of age.

Enjoy your teen years and don’t rush into adulthood. You’ll get there before you know it.

Hugs,

Papabear