Disarm Nasty Relatives by Giving Them No Weapons to Start With

Howdy PapaBear,

I'd like to know how to perform damage control in the (extremely) likely event that my identity as a furry leaks out into my extended family's grasp.

The Long-Winded Explanation:

I've always been seen as a "good" kid by my family and extended family. It's mainly because I haven't crossed any of those Conservative Texan family boundaries (drugs, getting girlfriend pregnant, etc.)

It is extremely likely that my extended family members are looking for dirty laundry on us good kids in order to drag my parents through the dirt.

My mom considered a girl wearing one of the cat-eared hairbands in public a "bizarre" sight, and I can't say my dad would like the idea of his son being a bisexual furry in a world most known for its relatively small content of yiff art. I probably should tell them that I have feelings for men, but I haven't yet.

Anyhoo.....

My sister recently discovered me writing a fairly detailed (but clean) letter to a new contact on a furry forum, and I think she'll tell mom. Although mom has been understanding of my privacy needs, and she probably knows I am "up to something", I think the humiliation will commence once she confronts me. I'm not so much worried about the hell she'll put me through, but I am worried that my sister will use this new discovery as blackmail (e.g. threaten to tell the extended family). 

It feels like I've loaded five out of six cartridges into a revolver, and I'm watching the cylinder spin. I've been as lucky as a coyote can be, but I'm anticipating a "bang" at the end of this game of Russian/Sixgun Roulette.

Thanks for Listening,
Skyote (age 25)

(I'm writing this at night so hopefully I have made sense.)

* * *

Dear Skyote,

Pardon my saying so, but your family sounds awfully nasty. If they are as you say they are, you’ve got an extended family that can’t wait to find dirty laundry so they can “drag your parents through the dirt”; then you have a sister who seems to be more than willing to help these nasty people, or, barring that, to blackmail you; and then you have a mother who will put you through hell once you’re discovered to be a furry. I’m sure all these people consider themselves to be “good Christians.” Small wonder you fear them.

I’m guessing that your fear may be based on your still living with your parents? If you’re doing so because of a financial issue or physical disability, I can understand how uncomfortable this can be. Once your furry side (or your bisexual side) is outed, you face the real possibility of your family trying to control your behavior or, worse, “cure” you by sending you to some camp. So you feel trapped.

One good solution would be for you to get out of the house, if possible. At 25, I hope it would be possible. If not, the other option is to downplay the importance of your being a furry. You say you are a “good kid” who never gets involved in drugs and sex and you keep your nose clean. Do you go to church with your family? Are you involved in sports or other hobbies? If so, that’s good. If your sister “outs” you as a furry, just shrug your shoulders and nonchalantly say, “Oh, yeah, I’ve talked to some furries and stuff. No big deal. I do lots of things and that’s just one of them.” If you don’t act like it is a live-or-die situation, your parents will also sense that it’s not a big deal and may just shrug it off as well.

Eventually, though, Skyote, although you can play this game for a while, you will have to come out as yourself, both as a furry and as a bisexual man. You’re in your twenties, and at some point you’re going to need to stand up for yourself, and that means facing your family. They will, of course, try and take the high ground and say you’re not a good Christian. Let them spout off. Both you and I know already that you are a better person than any of them will ever be.

You are who you are because God made you that way. Sounds to me He did a pretty good job in your case. Sounds like the mold might have been damaged in your family’s case by (imitating The Church Lady from SNL), oh, I don’t know..... SATAN? No offense :-P

Rather than worry about what your small-minded family thinks, what you should be working on is a way to improve your own living situation so you can live independently of them. That’s the best course for you.

And, if you do at some point have to face that “big bang” when your mother or some other holier-than-thou person tells you what an awful person you are for liking furries, turn the other cheek and say, “Well, I know I’m not perfect, but nobody is perfect, right, Mom [or Whoever]? Anyway, I don’t recall any passage in the Bible saying ‘Thou shalt not be a furry.’ I think Jesus will understand if I think anthropomorphic cartoons are kinda cool.”

When you’re not embarrassed or ashamed of who you are, derps like your sister have no weapons to harm you. It’s like with me. If one of my relatives or even a stranger pointed at me and accused me of being gay or a furry, I’d be like, “Pfft! So? Big deal. That and five bucks gets you a cup of coffee at Starbucks.” It’s all in the attitude.

Hugs,

Papabear